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The New Zealand Railways Magazine, Volume 1, Issue 2 (June, 1926)

Wit And Humour

page 47

Wit And Humour

A Dry District.

A guard recently received a letter from a friend commencing: “Dear,—I am sitting by the glorious Huka Falls drinking it all in.

* * *


The student, sitting for a general knowledge examination, came to the instruction: “Write very briefly what you know about Robert Louis Stevenson.”

The man of wide information pondered awhile and then painstakingly wrote: “He wasn't the one who invented the steam engine.”

* * *

Allowing for Depreciation.

Visitor (after an inspection of an American motor factory):

“What puzzles me is the ability of the States to absorb all the ears and lorries turned out by your motor industry.”

American Work's Manager:

“Say, that's easy. Over here a man is considered a bad American if he expects a car to last more'n a year!”

* * *

Babies may be described as the mainsprings in the watches of the night.

Automatic Photography: A Signal Success -“The Bystander

Automatic Photography: A Signal Success
-“The Bystander

Why Stammer?

M. Coue is now turning his attention to the curing of stammerers. Every d-d-d-day, in every w-w-w-way, his patients are getting b-b-b-better and b-b-b-better.—The Americans get the same effect by a shorter route: “Oh H-h-h-ell, I'm w-w-w-ell!”

Fore and Aft.

If our foresight were as good as our hind-sight our present sight would be a dashed sight better.

* * *

They were on their honeymoon, and she regarded him as the most wonderful being in the whole world. As they strolled along by the sea shore he stopped suddenly, and in a fine poetic frenzy exclaimed: “Roll on, thou deep and mighty ocean, roll!”

“Oh, look, George,” she cried in ecstasy; “it is doing it.”

* * *

Force Of Habit.

Willie had been presented with a pop-gun and was enjoying himself immensely when his mother ordered him to give the pop-gun to her.

“But why, mother? Why?” Willie protested.

“Because your father says that the sound of it makes him so thirsty,” was the reply.

* * *

A notice on the main road near a town in the United States:—

Drive slow, and see our beautiful city.

Drive fast, and see our beautiful goal!

* * *

When Booth Tarkington was visiting Naples he was present at an eruption of Vesuvius.

“You haven't anything like that in America, have you?” said an Italian friend with pride.

“No, we haven't,” replied Tarkington: “but we've got Niagara Falls that would put the d —d thing out in five minutes.”