I seldom read the local news,
I rarely scan the sporting,
the times I've looked at film reviews
are scarcely worth reporting.

I sometimes read the cable page
to see what mischief's cooking,
perhaps consult the racing sage
when nobody is looking.

But best of all I like to read
the editorial lectures,
they save me thought, remove the need
to make my own conjectures.

Sometimes I think that I'm unique
and not like other readers,
page 173 I'm almost sure that I'm a freak —
I Always read the leaders.

I love to hear these downy birds
pronounce their solemn warnings,
they pile up words on words on words
and occupy my mornings.

I must confess I'm staggered, though,
and just a little dampened,
to read this charge that Down Below
verbosity is rampant.

What blackened pot that serves the sinks
condemns the kitchen kettle?
What polecat thinks the onion stinks?
What scorpion blames the nettle?