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Port Nick Iniquity.

The Scene is a forest glen on the Treasure Island. In the background is a tree on which is nailed a notice "XXXX marks the spot" and underneath a further sign "Trespassers will be prosecuted". Standing looking at the sign as the Scene opens is Brick Bradford. The stage lights are blacked out with a spot on Bradford.

Bradford:

Ah, came the dawn.

(Stage lights full on suddenly)

Enter the Gold-Diggers dressed in short skirts, tights, pirate boots and hats, sashes and pistols. They sing -

Treasure Trove

(Original Words and Music)

We search for Treasure Trove.
Yes for Treasure Trove,
To satisfy a restless soul.
We search for Treasure Trove,
Yes we'll ever rove,
Until some day we'll reach our goal,
We won't regret the day we met
In this distant forest glen,
We won't regret the day and yet
We're positively through with all you men,
We search for Treasure Trove,
Yes for Treasure Trove,
So stranger we are watching you.

As the song and dance finish enter Su, Captain Mick Ravage and Lofty Broomstick.

Bradford:

(Recites dramatically)

A Wanderer I, Immortal Brick
To seek the fabled hoard
Deserted I the comic strip,
To find the pirate Loard.

Girls:

(Their pistols pointing at him)

To think that he, immortal Brick
Should quit the Sport Post's comic strip
And wander midst the Pirates bold
A seeker after wealth untold!

Captn. Ravage:

And what Oh, Brick would such as you,
With all this treasure seek to do?

Bradford:

My Dream...My dream will always be
To overcome my low degree,
While Mickey Mouse and Popeye skite
In colour.....I'm in Black and White!!

Girls:

Oh Shame I Oh crass humiliation!
To Brick a Man of such a station,
While Mickey Mouse and Popeye skite
In colour-He's in Black and White,

Bradford:

(To Ravage)

Who sir are you? Not Captain Kidd?
You look more like 'What Katy did'!

page 2 Ravage:

I'm Captain Mick Ravage the Terror of the
Carribean - 'tis my Treasure you seek!!

Bradford:

Gawd!!!

Ravage:

(Points to notice)

Now listen...you have eyes to see
And you have ears to hear,
And anyone who'd thwart me thus
Must know his end is near!

Ravage draws cutlass and Bradford does likewise.

Bradford:

A Duel?

Ravage:

Aye..A Duel..and by my sainted Ancestor
Captain Kidd, I'll spit you Lad..I'll spit you!

They Exit fighting.

Su:

Remember I won Lofty from you at Poker last night?

Kate:

Yes, alas, alas, but who can play against five aces?

Su:

You can have him back!

Kate:

(Amazed)

Why..Why..you darling..But I can't understand it..I...

Su

Well to put it in Black and White Brick has broken down my resistance.

Kate:

But what if Daddy should make him walk the plank.

Enter one-Eye Adam the Scourge of the Seven Seas.

Adam:

The Plank..The Plank..Who talks of such sweet nothings...

The Girls one and all shrink back in horror.

Adam:

So you won't talk.. well and who'd have thought it.
Ravages fighting virgins without a word between 'em
Well I'll make you an offer.

Su:

We know your offers and we don't want to hear this one.

Adam:

Oh, No, Oh, No,
As Anthony said to fair Cleo,
I'm not hear to talk ....
Here's my offer ... Join my Band,
Or you can take a walk.

He laughs in a sinister manner.

Su:

Are you going to put us on the Spot!?

Adam:

On the Spot if you say No
Or have a spot if you say yes,
What's it to be??

Girls:

(together)

We'll have a spot thank you.

Adam:

Good my girls let us away,
We'll fix the other two
Ere dies the day.

They All Exit save for Kate and Lofty who has been well in the page 3 background till now. Exit to "Treasure Trove"

Kate:

I'm crazy over you.

Lofty:

Yes, and a helluva lot of good it does me.

Kate:

(Coyly) Bub I like you.

Lofty:

Yes and what happens. I get the tarred end of a rope from your old man. Why.....

He sings:

Such An Awful Hullabaloo

(Original Words and Music.)

Such an awful Hullabaloo and What's to do
Yes Sir,
Just because I'm crazy over you.
Just because I said,
I think we two should wed,
Your father got a shotgun
And went gunning for my head,
Such an awful hullabaloo and what's to do
Yes Sir,
Just because I'm crazy over you.
I don't care when Honey,
You can name the day
Don't care if skies are sunny
Or if they're grey,
Such an awful Hullabaloo and What's to do
Yes Sir,
Just because I'm crazy over you,
So I said to myself said I
Cross my heart and hope to die
I'm gonna to marry the girl
And what care I
For the awful Hullabaloo and What's to do
Yes Sir,
Just because I'm crazy over you.

A ballet of Gold-diggers enter as he finishes the song and they repeat the last fourteen lines, then break into a classic ballet at the conclusion of which they Exit - just as Brick Enters dragging Ravage. Brick is as immaculate as ever but Ravage is well dishevelled and almost out.

Brick:

Yes judging by the noise it is an awful hullabaloo.
Where are the others, what's the trouble?

Kate:

Adam the Scourge of the Seven Seas has lured our
girls away. He promised them a "Spot"!

Lofty

Shame..Shame..Only one?

Ravage

Shame..Shame..Only one?

Brick

Shame..Shame..Only one?

Ravage:

Anything you ask is yours if you will only get me this villain. You can have my daughter, my treasure, anything, everything.

Brick:

It's a deal..A New Deal!

Ravage:

Then let us away.

They all Exit save for Brick who makes to exit when he espies Su who has entered coyly -

Su:

(seductively)

Aw..hullo Brick.

Brick:

Haven't I met you some place?

page 4 Su:

Maybe you have .. Maybe you haven't.. anyway you're wasting a lot of time.

Brick:

Alright then

He sings:

Let's Start in to Woo

(Original words and music)

Come on let's start,
Let's start a woo,
Unless you give in
Life's not worth livin!
Dear I'm through.

Come on let's start,
I'm nuts about you,
If you're a player,
You'll find me a stayer
Tried and true.

What's the good of croonin'
If you never heed,
I'm all through with spoonin'
Unless my dear you
Follow my lead.

Come on Let's start
Let's start in to woo
You make the answers,
I'll take the chances
Dear With you.

As they finish the song the Golddiggers enter with Adam with his hands bound to his sides and on the end of a rope.

Adam:

Woe is me. It all comes of trusting Women. I might have known it... I might have known it.

All:

Known what ...

Adam:

Sings:

Don't Let me Meet any More Pretty Girls

(Original words and music)

Verse:
Far and wide I sought a faithful lass
Who I knew would promise to be true
Now things have come to such a pretty pass
Listen while I tell my tale to you.

Chorus:
Don't let me meet any more pretty girls
Any more pretty, hotcha or witty
Ladies,
Don't let me love and more City girls
Any more city come-hither or witty
Babies
Cos I have found that they are all untrue
Just hang around and pretty soon you're through
Don't let me kiss anymore pretty girls
Any more pretty or hotcha babies
Not for me!

The Girls sway in the background and repeat the chorus.

Then Re-Enter Ravage and Kate.

Ravage:

Ah, Ha, Ah ha, you've got him girls
A sight more fine than priceless pearls!!

page 5 Brick:

Well that's O.K. But listen Boss
The Treasure now..come on Lad, Cough!

Ravage:

It seems that I shall have to give
But what is treasure while I live
To see old Adam without hope
Dangling on a hempen rope.

All:

To think of Adam without hope
Dangling on a hempen rope.

Brick:

The cash..the cash..ere comes the Night
I'll graduate from Black and White!!

The Girls hand him the Treasure sack...he opens it ..then recoils in horror.

Brick:

To thin that this is all that you
Mick Ravage have as Treasure
With all your hold ups and assaults
Is this all you can measure?
Ah, fates unkind. Oh, mournful muse
The Blasted Bag's a Ruddy Ruse
It's full of naught but I.O.U.'s!!!
He sinks back into the arms of Su disgusted.

Final Chorus

Brick Bradford sings the first verse and chorus:

Treasure Trove.

Verse:
I sought my treasure in the myriad stars
I found my treasure by the surging sea,
Pound my delights on starlit nights,
Until this vagrant longing called to me.

Chorus:
I searched for Treasure Trove,
Yes for Treasure Trove,
To satisfy my resuless soul,
I searched for Treasure Trove,
Swore I'd ever Rove,
Yet in your eyes I found my goal,
I don't regret the day we met
Neath the Mellow Moon so clear,
I don't regret that day and yet
That was the end of a bold bad buccaneer,
I searched for Treasure Trove
Yes for Treasure Trove
And found it when you smiled at Me!

Full Company

repeat:

We don't regret the day we met
By the Old Star Boat Club Shed,
We don't regret that day and yet
After the dance what aterrible head,

We searched for Treasure Trove
Now we'll no more rove,
So one and all good friends - Adieu!!