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Well Fair Laddie. Extravaganza 1961

Songs in the Show..

page 13

Songs in the Show...

Sitting in the Sun

Sitting in the sun
All day we relax
Looking at the heatwaves
Rising_ off the tracks
Listening to the birds sing
And hoping it won't rain
This is really living if a man can stand the strain.

Sitting in the sun
With a glass of beer
Keeps me bright and active
As year follows year
If I had my life to live
I'd do the same again
'Cos this is really living if a man can stand the strain.

You can have riches you can have same
We'll do without them—thanks all the same
Fame brings you worry, and money brings cares
We think we're better off than any multimillionaires.

Sitting in the sun
Now and then you hear
Someone softly cursing
When a fly falls in his beer
Just so long as no-one tries
To send a ruddy train
This is really living if a man stand the strain.

Wide Open Town

We're an up-side-down wide-open town out west (in the west, in the west)
Our guns are cocked (let's vamoose, let's vamoose)
The jail's unlocked (let 'em loose, let 'em loose)
If a law-man came he'd come off second best (second best, second best)
'Cos with a hundred troopers, Garry Coopers
Still he'd be silly to try
So have another round
The sherriff's underground
We get on fine we've found
As you must agree
We welcome crooks from near or far
Leave your six-guns on the bar
So don't be shy
We're getting high
'Cos we're a wide, wide open town.

Hello Colonials

I'm gay Lord Chumley-Fanshaw
I've just come out from "home"
And every sight's been a sheer delight
Since I left the aerodrome.

Your people are so friendly
Your scenery is so grand
Politically, you're completely free
(Tho' I hear Lolita's banned).

You've no real crime and no real vice
It's obviously a working-man's paradise
You can quote me on this—you're all veddy, veddy nice
(Actuaileigh, I can't imagine anybody coming here twice.)

I'm gay Lord Chumley-Fanshaw
And let me say aloud
You're right up-to-date and quite first-rate
In the Land of the Long White Cloud.

Let's Face It

Might as well go back to the sticks where I belong
Since everything I do is unequivocally wrong
City life's too much for me—I haven't got a hope
Got to face it sometime—I'm a pill, a dill... a dope.

Don't know why I had to try this crazy social climbin'
Fell right off the bottom rung—I'm just a Simple Simon
In the strife of modern life I just can't stay afloat
The reason's quite apparent—I'm obtuse, a goose... a goat.

Wouldn't it be great to be as clever as hell
To know how to multiply, to add and to spell
I'd love to be brilliant, I'd love to be bright
But in my head (so teacher said) there's... something not quite right.

No use trying to use your nut unless there's something in it
I'm one of those of whom they say there's one born every minute
Now I'm in a mess, and it's a lesson that'll stick
It had to come, I'm just too dumb, a crumb, a clot... a hick.

The Welfare State

If men could do just as they wish
We'd have a pretty kettle of fish
The fun would last a while perhaps
But then society would collapse.
So certain books may not be read
And certain words may never be said.
And certain ends may not be gained
Unless permission has been obtained
You cannot ask the time of day
Unless the Government says you may.

You can't do this, you can't do that
The cat may not sit on the mat
And Q may not come after P
Without the proper authority.
Two and two may not make four
Without a permit, and furthermore
The rustle of spring may not be heard
Unless a licence has been conferred.
You cannot shout hip hip for-ray
Unless the Government says you may.

Your hair may not begin to grey
Unless the Government says it may.

page 14

Beer, Glorious Beer

Gaze upon the amber glow
Swish it softly to and fro
Listen to the way it fizzes
See the froth around the rim
Rub your finger round the brim
Nothing's quite the same as this is
Did you ever see such a heavenly sight
Such a glorious treasure to imbibe
Eight lovely ounces of heavenly delight
Not a poet could hope to describe it.

Beer, glorious beer
It's simply delicious
Cool, frothing and clear
So very nutritious
We'll down it with skill and speed
If it is fermented
And if it should kill us we'd
Die contended.

Beer, glorious beer
What Heavenly dewdrops
Your woes disappear
When you've had a few drops
We're hardworking Kiwis
And that's why we revere
Just beer, wonderful beer, marvellous beer, fabulous beer, glorious beer.

Beer, glorious beer
We won't be without it
It hasn't a peer
Nobody could doubt it
When you're at death's door, my boys

Beer soon makes you healthy
Drink it when you're poor, my boys
You'll get wealthy.

Beer, glorious beer
We're fish out of water
If some isn't near
We're bricks without mortar
Don't waste any time, now boys
Get your glass into gear
For beer, wonderful beer, marvellous beer, fabulous beer, glorious beer.

Beer, glorious beer
Be in while you're able
We'll drink until we're
Right under the table
Some favour Waikato and
Some like Waitemata
They're all so completely grand
What's it matter?

Beer, glorious beer
Oh, what a sensation!
Beer, glorious beer
Lifeblood of the nation
Merry Christmas to all our friends
And a happy new year
With beer, wonderful beer, marvellous beer, fabulous beer, glorious beer.

Cartoon of a beer mug

Cartoon of a woman in a dress walking in the puddle

Orgies are Gorgeous

Welcome to the city
Where all the girls are pretty
We're game to entertain you by night or by day
Rome is where the heart is
And that's why all the parties
Want you along too—any number can play.

Orgies are gorgeous, we're set for the night
Swallowing, wallowing, with all our might.

If you -are struck with a strange appetite
Do as the romans do.

When a roman legion's
Been in a foreign "region
At home back in Rome they go out on the spree
They are in the mood for
What music is the food for
And they don't have to pay 'cos all roman's are free.

page 15

Orgies are gorgeous, we're set for the night
Swallowing, wallowing, with all our might.

If you should meet with a bit of all right
Do as the romans do.

For a roman party
You must be hale and hearty
A hooly so unruly needs vigour and verve
There's a dozen courses
With strong wines and sauces
And a slave-girl from Gaul as a kind of hors d'oeuvre.

Orgies are gorgeous, we're set for the night
Swallowing, wallowing, with all our might.

Whether you're sober or whether you're tight
Do as the romans do.

Puritans and prudes
Find our ways rather rude
If they try to criticise us they land with a thud

We've an appetite
To be wicked, and a right
To be sinful with a skinful of hot latin blood

Orgies are gorgeous, we're set for the night
Swallowing, wallowing, with all our might.

Soon as you're sure that the wife's out of sight
Do as the romans do.