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Well Fair Laddie

The dreamer has always been a much maligned character and has found few champions among authors and ordinary people in recent years, with the notable exception of Walter (Mitty, that is). Harold, our hero, is such a person and throughout his career we find him taking refuge in daydreams.

We meet him first as the dissolute railways employee in the small town of Waitehell where he has been for the last umpteen years. He is in love with Susie, and would like to marry her but Susie's Ma has other ideas about this since in Ma's eyes Susie is destined for better things.

One of Harold's fondest dreams is to be on a desert island alone with Susie where he could be the boss, and live like a king on Susie's very special cooking.

Ma, who is nothing if not practical, takes Susie away from the small town off to the city where there is far more chance of meeting an eligible man. Shaken from his lethargy at this departure, Harold resolves to better himself and to go to the city to become a policeman.

Enforcement of the law is a strong point with Harold, who as Harold Fisby U.S. Marshal brings his own brand of law and order to the West, and to the Golden Garter saloon where the licentious revelry of the dancing girls raises temperaptures and strains good behaviour.

In the city, Ma wastes no time in finding the right man for Suzy and in her subtle way goes about the business of arranging the inevitable engagement. Lord Cholmondeley-Featherstonehaugh having seen a picture of Susie, is not altogether an unwilling party to these machinations.

On the beat in the city Harold the new constable is fearless in his administration of the law. Swift to detect the lawbreaker, alert for the suspicious action, he is soon popular with a large number of people, particularly the mothers of the town who look on him as a guardian of their children. It is not therefore surprising that Harold's first arrest is one of major importance as he apprehends a felon leading caged livestock through the city.

Hauling his victim into Court Harold pictures himself as the defence lawyer who modestly, but with consumate skill, breaks down a stubborn witness and secures the acquittal which nobody but he could have obtained for his attractive client.

The case against the livestock handler does not however go well, mainly through Harold's inability to handle the nasty tactics of the defending counsel. The victim of a system, Harold is dismissed from the police force, and left to look for another job.

Encouraged by Susie Harold enters the civil service as a clerk in the Department of Difficulties Restrictions Interferences and Prohibitions. The office routine is thoroughly explained to him, and the reason ("there's no reason—it's policy") for all Departmental action is outlined to him. A number of clients are smoothly and efficiently dealt with by the Department until a caller introduces a new and powerful substance into the office, beer, which in no time at all has reduced the system into barely recognisable chaos.

To Harold the government life is not appealing, and in a fabulous spectacle, a veritable riot of colour and gaiety, the scene is transformed to ancient Rome where Haroldus Rex holds sway, where the wild voluptuous nights yield only to the wilder more voluptuous daze, where everyone is gay and happy and rebellion is crushed as easily as another vat of wine is broached. Even the lions are happy in this wonderful spectacle of fun for the whole family.

Back on earth again, Harold succumbs to the call of the arts and takes a job as a stagehand with one of the country's leading opera companies, in charge of sound effects. In his day-dream Harold the great understudy singlehandedly saves the complete performance of a major work from becoming a fiasco by brilliantly filling the title roles virtually at a moment's notice. It is unfortunate that the handling of the sound effects is not quite so successful, and Harold soon finds himself once more out of a job.

As a street sweeper Harold's entry into politics is assured, and with his undoubted qualifications it is no time at all before he is climbing to the very top.

No more than this need be said except that this is a fairy story so of course everybody lives happily ever after.