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Cappicade Fiftyfive. "The Happy Squanderer" [1955]

Synopsis and Review of "The Happy Squanderer"

page 26

Synopsis and Review of "The Happy Squanderer"

The show opens in a swell joint in the Desert or somewhere, which is run by a guy called Mustapha Barani, who is a sheik and a very rich guy with a lot of potatoes and some beautiful dolls, which is something I care for very much. Furthermore, one of his dolls is a nifty piece called Norobi, who is by way of being a dancing girl, a very cute piece weighing 90 pounds or something less sopping wet, and very successful with guys, particularly old ones. Now a guy called Sid 'Olland is coming to this Baruni's joint, but before he arrives a guy called Plato Narcissus, who is a very big shot indeed, with even more potatoes than Mustapha, arrives and lets it be known that Sid 'Olland is his chicken and no one is to try and pluck him. It seems Zealand or somewhere, and Plato has a liking for they discover oil in this 'Olland guy's country, New oil because oil means potatoes and Plato collects potatoes. Mustapha the Sheik says he likes oil quite a lot too, so this guy Plato leaves in a huff and then some. Well, it seems that Sid is a sucker and gets taken for a ride by Norobi—in fact he gets so hot he almost catches on fire—and what with sighing all over and asking Norobi to be his ever-loving he forgets what be is doing and gives his oil rights to the Sheik. When Sid finds what he has done he is more than a little upset, what with being hot and then cold and losing his oil, and particularly losing his oil, so Plato, who is a smart guy, says he should use his noggin and not get tangled up with good-looking dlls who aren't his wife and what more can he expect. Furthermore he says if Sid gives him the oil rights for a few grand he will get the phoney rights from the Sheik. Sid says O.K. and takes it on the lam.

Then things get mixed and I am more than a little confused but it seems that Plato hires a couple of guys who are very tough characters and not the sort I would personally associate with or even know, let alone talk to, and they are to lift the rights from the Sheik. Furthermore he gets a Miss Lovebody, who is an old doll of about 45 or less with a plain plan, to help. But before you can say Sugar Ray Robinson this doll Miss Lovebody plays Plato for a sucker and gets herself engaged to become the Sheik's ever-loving wife, which is something she wants to do for some time or even longer. This puts paid to Plato's plan, for his two hired helps are very tough citizens indeed, so they do not have much to think with and they cannot get the rights either.

Then everybody goes to New Zealand where the oil is and the Sheik sinks a bore which is the first good one ever sunk in New Zealand which is a very small place indeed and doesn't compare much with Texas or even Coney Island, for that matter. But Sid, who is the big shot in New Zealand, is still sore about how he is taken in by the Sheik and Norobi and arranges with Plato and his two boys to give the well the works the day they open it. So they put a pineapple in the well and this blows up so successfully that all the guy and dolls, including Sid and Plato, who don't beat it fast enough, are properly rubbed out and die.

Then they all go to Heaven, which is a very surprising thing, for if ever I see a bunch of palookas who should never go to Heaven this is it, and in fact St. Peter is somewhat surprised too, especially as they say they are from Wellington, which it seems he has not heard of before. So St. Peter says they have no business being there and are to go to the other place, which seems to be a right thing, so I take off my hat to St. PetPer. And at that moment I am struck smack-dab on the noggin by an old fish which is thrown by a student or lecturer or something and I go out which afterwards I consider to be a very good thing because I hear that this show is very popular and many citizens wish to see it, and in fact it is so popular that many persons are badly killed and maybe hurt trying to get in, so I am glad all I get is a bump on my bean.

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