Capping 1932. Victoria University College. April 30th, May 2nd and 3rd, 1932.
Town Hall, Wellington — Programme
Town Hall, Wellington
Programme
"Dry Rot"
Pontifical Personalities.
Chief-Defective Trickledown—Hang-over from the "Police Gazette" | Mr. F. Cormack |
"The police have their faults, but thank God they're inefficient!" —G. K. Chesterton.
Speed-Constable Sporranson—One of the perils of the road | Mr. D. Banks |
"'Faster! Faster!' cried the Red Queen. 'Are we nearly there?' Alice managed to pant out. 'Nearly there!' the Queen repeated, 'Why we passed it ten minutes ago! Faster!'" —Lewis Carroll.
Rev. Mr. Howitzer of McAndrew's—A Betartaned Pussyfoot | Mr. C. G. Watson. |
"Let's stop somebody from doing something!" —A. P. Herbert.
1st Woman of Gravey League | Oratorical | Mr. Winkel |
2nd Woman of Gravey League | Oracres | Mr. Read |
"Full of sound and fury, signifying nothing." —Shakespeare.
Telegraph Boy | Mr. Whitcombe |
"Hail to thee, blithe spirit!" —J. Malton Murray.
Prof. P. W. Lifeandbeauty (a missionary of the Muses) | Mr. W. J. Mountjoy, Junr. |
page 25"It is not Art but Heart that makes the world go round." —Ella Wheeler Wilcox.
Mr. Robt. Barrack—Secretary of the Gravey League | Mr. N. Hannah |
"So stick to your desks and never go to sea,
And you may all be rulers of the Queen's Navee."
—Gilbert.
1st Member of Nude Cult | Miss E. Purdie |
"And she answered, all the woman in her, flashing from her eyes, 'You musn't ask no questions and you won't be told no lies!'" —John Milton (Moultin').
"Blizzard" Smith—A Geelong Jehu | Mr. Sceats |
"Never trust a man in a car." —Maxims of Clara Bow.
Lady Mewl—The Scourge of the Swordfish | Miss S. Breen |
"I'd rather be a kitten and cry mew." —Shakespeare.
"And then there were heroes, Joan of Arc,
Nelson, of course, and William Tell.
And Ledy Mewl who found a shark
Inside her bath and didn't yell."—G. K. Chesterton (a little bit chestier).
Chorus of Unemployed Police-Defectives—
Messrs. Macaskell, Katz, Liidemann, Wilton, Arlow, Oliver, Kaberry, H. R. Hall, R. Wild, Ashenden, K. Scott, Elphick.
"They also serve who only stand and wait." —J. Milton (moulted).
Chorus of Women of the Gravey League—
Mesdames Winkel, Reardon, Hutcheson, Jenkins, H. O. Wansborough, Heenan, Fortune, R. L. Jones, Sage, Denz, Purdie, R. L. Loundes.
"The white man's burden." —Kipling.
Chorus of Members of Nude Cult.
Misses E. Purdie, M. A. Spence-Sales, M. Slyfield, H. Hurley, K. Rouse, E. Cook, N. Macdonald, F. Eccles, P. Walker, I. Cornes, H. Archer, N. Cooper.
"'Modesty and Decency,' said Hatherleigh, 'are Oriental vices'" —H. G. Wells.
Mermaids, Sharks, Octopuses, Politicians, Cormorants, Special Constables, Reporters, Icebergs, Crayfish, and a thousand other unsolved Mysteries of the Deep.
page 26Important: No reference to any living person is to be found in this play.
If there are any jokes in this play you don't understand please call at the stage door at the conclusion of the performance. Police need not apply. If you know any good stories yourself, bring them along.
Scene One. Headquarters of N.Z. Defective Farce.
Scene Two. Headquarters of N.Z. Defective Farce
Time. Now or never.
"Souled"
Characters:
The Private Secretary | E. C. R. Winkel |
The Professor | A. H. Scotney |
The Chief | W. J. Mountjoy, Junr. |
Scene:
An Office in Hell.
"Perverse, all monstrous, all prodigious things,
Abominable, inutterable, and worse
Than fables yet have feigned, or fear conceived . . ."
—Paradise Lost.
Interval.
"Coax & Hoax" or Safety in Numbers
Jordan Coax | H. R. Bannister |
George Hoax | H. Middlebrook |
Mere Morons. Co-Managers of Maison Coax et Hoax. | |
Ferdinand de Bathe-Waters | U. Williams |
A He-Mannequin. The Hero. | |
Emma Scourge | R. B. Phillips |
"Frailty! Thy name is woman!"page 27 | |
Mrs. Scourge | Zenocrate Henderson |
Just One of Us. | |
Hadrian | J. Foster |
Brigadier Scrape | H. C. Read |
Sir Octopus Screw | A. F. T. Chorlton |
Colonel Pinch | F. W. O. Jones |
Mr. Napoleon Bleed | B. E. Jackson |
Army Offal in Advisory Capacity. | |
Professor Pobjoy | E. J. Sutch |
Professor Snagworthy | R. East |
Professor Blenkinsop | E. J. Marshall |
Professor van Loon | J. N. Sellars |
So many Tacks on the Seat of Learning. | |
Dr. Dogsbody | K. Scott |
Dr. Panic | J. Whitcombe |
The Hardiest Perennials in the Garden of Sleep. | |
Specialty Dances—Ballet | Miss Peggy Price |
Chorus of Male Secretaries | Period Curiosities |
H. S. Fanning, R. K. Keeting, W. Tuckwell, E. J. Marshall, B. E. Jackson, W. D. H. Smith, G. R. Viggers, H. H. Sivyer, P. P. O'Brien, A. H. O'Keefe, H. Etherington, H. Halstead, E. J. Sutch. | |
Chorus of Lady Secretaries | Hell's Belles |
Mildred Briggs, Barbara Bannister, Helen Bannister, Pat Dennehy, Sybil Williams, Shirley Roberts, Lorna Marshall, Audrey Ostler, Margery Murray, Valda Wilson, Pat Martin, Tim Lambourne, Nessie Syms, Kara Aldridge. |
Press Reporters, Radio-men, Alarums and Excursions, Waitresses, Sights and Smells, and a Noise off.
Opening Chorus set to Original Music by H. Coventry.
Synopsis of Scenes.
Maison Coax et Hoax.
- Scene I.: The vestibule before Mr. Coax's Sanctum. Morning.
- Scene II.: Same—one hour later.
- Scene III.: Cafe Bel Ami—attached to the Maison.
- Scene IV.: Same. A few minutes after.
The stage furniture used in Scenes III. and IV. has been lent by the Stage Society of New Zealand (Director, Mr. Harold Hobday).
Interlude.
We were depending on this toga'd trio to fill our interlude with their renowned "Shadow" psalm—something about shadows in the valleys and sunshine on the hills, but now they insist on interluding in absentia because they have to go a-senating. We suspect, however, that the real reason is that they've found out we only wanted their interlude to give the stage a chance to change its trappings for the next play. The long one (whose coat's a bit short) probably didn't relish the idea of coming out this chilly night in his Ghandi pants.
Stand by, everybody, for "Shadows."