Vanity! Vanity!

Air: "Now Lasses and Lads."

"'Vanity, Vanity,' saith the preacher, 'yea, all is Vanity !' "

Now fetch out a couple of lovely quids,
And buy a most lovely gown,
And do as traditional etiquette bids,
And you may be mistaken for Brown !
And you may be mistaken for Brown !!
Yes, you may be mistaken for Brown !!!
As likely as not. you will look like a swot,
A classical swot like John Brown !
As likely as not, you will look like a swot,
A classical swot like John Brown !

And think of the dignity that it will add
To your figure, yea, even to you,
For this is no useless scholastical fad,
Why, you may be mistaken for Hugh !

Yes, develop a bit, both in waistcoat and wit
And you may be mistaken for Hugh !

(repeat)

And if you are reckoned a bit of a bore,
And for details should happen to crave,
Yet don't know the decimals for three over four,
You may bear some resemblance to Dave!
Shut the windows up tight, before starting to skite,
And you may be mistaken for Dave !!

Or if you are smiling and happy and sleek,
And look like a regular don;
Yet somehow seem simple and childlike and meek;
Men may think from afar you are Von !
A baron, by Jove, and a fashionable cove,
Why you may be mistaken for Von !!

And think what the ladies will save in their dress,
If no one knows what is beneath.
The cost of their toilet may be somewhat less,
When gowned right up to the teeth.
Yes, their head may emerge out of silk-seeming serge
When gowned right up to the teeth.

So dive in your pocket and bring forth your purse
And shell out your guineas twain,
And pretend that you like it, forebearing to curse—
Yea, vanity ! all is vain !
As likely as not, you will seem what you're not—
Yea, vanity! all is vain !

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