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Sport 34: Winter 2006

II

II

There's a TV right above my bed and a remote control so I can watch anything except if the nurses come. Well at home we have a TV but only sometimes and in the ads we go outside and run around because Mum says our brains will rot. But at hospital you have to just lie there and not move your head fast or all the lights come on and you might explode.

Dad came to see me on his own. Mum said he came before but I was asleep and then he had to go to work. I was waiting to ask him if he found what he was looking for but he squeezed my hand so hard I forgot. He said, did I know why he worked so much? And I said, so me and Brendan can go to a good school. He said that was right but now he realised there were more important things, like keeping me and Brendan and Mum safe so nothing else bad happened. I said but you're not allowed to just pick what you want because you don't know what God's thinking. Which is true because Father Brunetti said so but straight away Dad got angry. He said, I would take my children's pain on myself if they would let me, why have you begun to look at me coldly? I've seen it though your mother denies it. Denies it. I've watched you with your friends, making a show of the happiness you refuse to display at home. Wilful. Perhaps it's your brother I'm page 153thinking of? He was told to look after you and now he sees the result of his selfishness.

It was weird when he was telling me off because he looked like he might cry. At the end he sat down and squeezed my hand again and said, I am the head of this family. It's my responsibility to take care of you all, do you see?