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Sport 34: Winter 2006

I

I

I'm starting from birds. They're flying up out of trees all down our street because Dad's standing in the road shooting at them. Dad and the birds are underneath me like fish underwater in the dam.

Then he hits one. It's a magpie and it was coming up to me but it goes down again. The sky down there has feathers, like those ashes that go flying out of the incinerator when Dad's burning off. The bird falls on the road and then Dad kneels down and puts the gun on the road and it's the same colour. Bitumen. Like a swear word but it's okay because it's not. He picks up the bird and holds it near his face to look for something but I don't think he can see it because he's crying. If I went down there I could help him look but someone started whispering and I went away.

Well Mum was talking but I couldn't see her because it was so bright. She was using her church voice. She said, do I have to prove I can watch my child suffer because He could? Is that what He wants? Then Father Brunetti told her off. He said, Maria, why you try to guess what's in the mind of God? Why this one, why not this one? Nobody can answer. He sees everything, He offers everything—why you think you can pick and choose like you were in the supermarket?

So maybe I'm at mass except I'm lying down and the lights are making my head feel slippery. There's stuff on my face it's too hot, get it off me. Mum said, darling? in her Mum voice, so I said turn the lights off because they were melting my head. Then I got a needle, that's how I knew I was in hospital. I could hear them shutting the curtains and that must be where the light was coming from because after a while I could see and it was actually night. I looked at Mum but something was wrong with her face. I said, Mum are you crying?

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And she said, sorry. When I was looking at her I had to keep moving my head because my nose was in the way. I told Mum I could see my nose and she said, Oh darling, and she tried to hold my hand but it was too hot. I was feeling a bit sleepy and then I remembered about Dad.

I said, Dad shouldn't stay on the road, should he Mum? Because he might get run over.

In my hand I felt her jump like she got a fright and then she said, Daddy's at work, darling. You must have been dreaming.

Then she went away and it was cold and dark like floating in the dam face down and all the dark went inside my ears and said,

Darling.