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Sport 34: Winter 2006

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People are always describing Jack behind his back. Once when I was on a bus some big brunette behind me said softly, Jack Jordan what a Burning Man regular, to the big blonde beside her. It's true Jack can be rather distressing. More often than not I run into him in the middle of the night. Once he was so wide awake he thought it was the middle of the morning. What a mish-mash. He was wandering around all done up in fancy dress looking like a pharaoh. He would periodically remove his mask in order to really push a point home. Georgia my dear, he said (which is not my name), you're one diamond that will never lose its sparkle. I felt slightly hampered by his extravagance. I excused myself and went home to bed. Not long after, I was walking along the street. I ran into a mutual acquaintance. Have you heard the news about Jack? he said, everyone's talking about it. He clarified: apparently Jack Jordan's finally done it, he's traded his glitter in for a tie. Wow, I said, I never thought I'd see the day. Last week I saw Jack at a party. He shook my hand and then gave me a bit of a hug. Oh, we don't want nasty rings, he scolded me. I picked up my bottle of beer from the shelf and excused myself.