Title: Hospital

Author: Geoff Cochrane

In: Sport 27: Spring 2001

Publication details: Fergus Barrowman, October 2001

Part of: Sport

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Sport 27: Spring 2001

Particoloured Headwear

page 42

Particoloured Headwear

Shortly after two on the Sunday morning, Jones and his wife leave the Bradshaws' apartment intending to walk to a taxi rank nearby. As they're swaying arm in arm down Foundry Lane, our plot achieves a somewhat dismaying spike.

‘What are you toffs doing in my alley?’

‘We go where we like,’ says Jones, ‘at any hour.’

‘You'd better give your riches over here.’

‘Get lost.’

The kid limps forward orthopaedically. He brings the cleanly reek of strong adhesives. ‘I think you should surrender up your cards. Your cards and pin numbers.’

‘Here's ten bucks. Now move aside.’

The miscreant is wearing a leather cost like Rommel's, a tall woollen hat created by Dr Seuss. His sawn-off shotgun points at the ground. ‘You're going to have to make a less insulting offer, hombre.’

Shura's holding one of her stilettos. ‘For two pins, my lad, I'd fetch you such a crack.’

‘I'll handle him,’ says Jones. ‘I'm used to dealing with troubled types like Junior here.’

‘Yeah. Right. Then handle this, you fucker.’

The gun goes off with much pneumatic force. A narrow blast of air is what Jones feels. A narrow blast of air is what destroys his shoe.

This guttersnipe has shot me in the foot.