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Sport 23: Spring 1999

Survival of the Startled

page 164

Survival of the Startled

According to Carl Sagan,
waking up suddenly with the sensation of falling is called the
‘startle reflex’
—a hangover from our ancestors
who lived in trees

and found it salubrious
to wake up before they hit the ground.

These days, when not falling
out of prehistoric trees, I like to hang out
with Keith Richards.

Recently we had a game of darts
while two nude girls sat side
by side on a green couch, watching us
with lust in their hearts.

The other night I was Chief
Executive at Disney for a few painful minutes.
The other executives resented me,
particularly Michael Eisner
—a great bear of a man
with a crown of curly locks.

page 165

And one night I went swimming naked
with Joan Collins
in the Newlands Primary School pool.
She stayed down at the shallow end
doing the crawl,
keeping her hair dry,
while I swam around the middle.

Yes, it was a wet dream,
and a strange inheritance from my ancestors,
whose sleeping astral bodies may
still be being swept out
of dreams by the trunks of astral mammoths.