Sheffield Bishopric, 1847

SB

^*Perhaps your Grace would cast his mind back to our last conversation…

BA

^**Very well, Septimus. I do think that on this matter we need to provide the working classes with something to occupy themselves, when they are not labouring, that is. Our brothers in the colonies have done splendidly. Take the South Island—huge holdings—all for a song. But we can't have them all playing croquet—all right for vicars' daughters.

SB

Yes, a diversion to allow for the extra growing season—awfully fecund there, your Grace. Something muscular perhaps? Arnold told me about a new game they've come up with. Revolves around a ball of avoid dimensions, your Grace. His brother Tom could act as legate?

BA

We've sent out some of our CMS chaps, but I think that my Lords Egmont, Edgecumbe and Hamilton may be able to help us out. Parnell is a dead loss!

SB

…what about the bastard son of our former Sovereign, your Grace? Fitzroy, begotten by that shepherdess lassie.

BA

Frankly, I fear he should languish in New South Wales.

SB

They do have pheasant and quail, your Grace … singular native birds too. The rabbits are doing well—a bit of fun there I would have thought!

BA

Hm. Is it cricket to arm our parishioners with Purdys, vicar?