mail icontwitter iconBlogspot iconrss icon

Sport 11: Spring 1993

The Beast’s Birthday

The Beast’s Birthday

We do not know the Beast’s birthday. So we have made it up. May 17th. We are careful not to let the Beast know this. We think he may be an orphan. It is too sad! So we insert orange slices into our mouths and smile big orange smiles. The Beast is thankfully fooled.

We invite all the Beast’s friends. There is a modest celebration. He page 64 receives four presents: a pair of mittens—love from Donald; a heated towel rail—love from Jeremy; silk pyjamas—love from Rachel; and a portable typewriter love from myself. XXXX OOOO. But we do not hug or kiss the Beast. No. Although we sometimes hug and kiss each other. Mainly Rachel who is very good about these things. The Beast swallows all his presents at once.

But also we have all chipped in together. After all it is a first birthday. love from Donald, Jeremy, Rachel, and me. XXXX OOOO. We have secured a virgin. Tied to a stake in the usual manner. The Beast shows interest in her lack of fur, then regards us puzzled. He touches her with an inquisitive grace before clawing and consuming. From the battlements we clap our hands in delight. (Excusing Donald of course, who politely taps his feet.)

Finally the Beast has a cake with pink icing and one candle. It is a train cake, and the candle is where the funnel would be (my idea!). It is all too sad! He is probably an orphan. Tears gather behind our smiling eyes.