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Sport 11: Spring 1993


page 63


A messy business. We crumble charcoal tablets in with the Beast’s meals. How fortunate that he lives outside! We draw straws to see who gets to clean up. It is rough on Donald with his stumps, etc. These days he hardly seems to get through the dishes without dropping a plate. But you’ve got to be able to laugh, haven’t you. Donald gets the short straw. We can barely contain ourselves.

Jeremy suggests we train the Beast to be site-specific in his choice of lavatory. Perhaps a pit behind the Nunnery? Donald suggests we make the Beast go poohs in the neighbouring Kingdom. This proves surprisingly easy to do. The neighbouring Kingdom object in the strongest possible terms. We silence them by revealing uncompromising nude engravings of their own Prince Edward and Jeremy testing out our new torture chamber. We also have the letters (on disc)—but modesty and good taste forbid us. Unfortunately, however, the confidentiality of such things cannot always be guaranteed.