Chris Tse

Tonight, Matthew

Thirty-something and — shit!

        Windows is shutting down —

                again with the lag and tidings.

If I don’t have a name for it, how do I recover?

        Maybe I should push more.

                But then I see the riverbank

sluiced in red from the sacrificial high season.

        I can’t get on board with that, no siree!

Artistic men standing by with their motivations and fashionable

facial hair.        Me? I prefer a “I grew up like this” aesthetic

for my unsuccessful auditions.

                Thirty-something and —

what’s that crash scene up over the horizon?

When I grow up, I’ll impress the world

        with how calmly I can walk away

                from exploding cars/buildings/spaceships.

                        My life story will fill pages and pages

                                of Google search results — instant proof

                                        I’ll neither confirm nor deny

                                when the time comes to sell out.

                        Instead, I suggest you hunt through

                        secondhand stores looking for

                             my obscure inspirations and give new life

                                 to Goosebumps® reading lights.

I’m going to

fuck it up.                (Don’t fuck it up.)

        I guess I’ll sit here silently

in the name of art. Has someone written a book about that?

            Thirty-something and

ivy adding class to ambition. The walls

are fit for purpose, but the sky is not.

                Tonight, Matthew, I’m going to

disappear into the dark side

        of the stage.        Tonight, I’ll just watch.

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