Salient. Official Newspaper of the Victoria University Students' Association. Vol 41 No. 21. August 28 1978

Fat Chance of Success

Fat Chance of Success

Dear Simon,

I see that someone is under the mistaken impression that that scourge of society, namely the Foundation of Druid Practices, has once again come into the fore by advertising that luxury of luxuries; Exosss Groops. Is this country now so unsafe that a true capitalist can no longer screw the unwary for a few more devalued dollars?

I must state that Exosss Groops are no more or less dangerous than an Extra Sensory Pork Sausage in the paws of a ravaged lion which has an acute case of hiccups. To illustrate this I draw your divided attention to the case of Fred Y., a part time Elephant sexer who had seen better sights and days, who although being condensed to the size of a dry cow pat by a rough Tsetse fly which mistook him for the posterior extremity of a stunted Hippopotamus was still identified by the number of stitches in his monogramed EG.

No one has yet tried to relate the large bulls-eye hand embroidered with love and care on the rear of his EG with his rather early demise and nobody shall either.

The bogus testimony given by the Society for the Eradication of Exosss Groops on the behalf of the so called deceased Fred X cannot be counted as valid as Fred X omitted to sign the affidavit presented to him.

Like wetsuits for Hamsters, EG should be taken in moderation and not be combined with bootpolish and Meths. But all being said and you being done EG are still the best thing for chilly mornings or if you prefer (and some deviates do) for chilly nights. So help me to become a millionaire and join the thousands of New Zealanders who are buying Exosss Groops and other crapped merchandise now.

Yours monetarily,

I. Makafortuna.