Salient: Victoria University Students' Paper. Vol. 24, No. 12. 1961.

Tandem Triumphans

Tandem Triumphans

or— Ye Gods, I can hardly believe my eyes

Even' year the long suffering readers of " Salient" are subjected to a broadside of Tournament Blurbs from the various clubs; the teams are regularly portrayed as possessing all the virtues and capabilities of supermen: mighty of muscle and swift of action, they go forth to battle against their unworthy opponents. And every year, as a just reward for their efforts, the supermen bring back with them a small (presentation) wooden spoon (a little rash, and somewhat unjust.—Ed.).

So this year, one blurb at least will contain nothing but The Truth—a factual and reasoned assessment of the abilities and potentialities of the Swords Team— that glorious, unbeatable, ever memorable band of brothers, representing the epitome of invincibility and the peak of perfection in skill and dexterity.

The Heroes

Headed by the Captain, Rosso ( the Rum-bottle) Martins, whose weaknesses were revealed by the present writer in an earlier issue of this paper, the Team may surely regard itself as unbeatable; the captain's vast knowledge of all aspects and ramifications of gladiatorial combat, and his constant effort to perfect his own technique in spite of an almost insurmountable inability to join more than two moves into a sequence, have given him a reputation before which any opponent must quail. This doughty warrior is closely followed by the equally notorious Tchupuskja von Peterson, who, as Assistant Groom of the Household Poultry in the Imperial Guard of the Grand Duchy of Steinecker, has seen some of the sterner side of military life. This is evident in his bombastic and aggressive fencing: few will stand for long before him. In the furious fighting that is doubtless to be expected, Jim French will be a tower of strength and immobile solidity. Swinging into battle with Gaelic cries, he accompanies his attack with rolling eyes, gnashing teeth, and filing nails—a galaxy of concerted talents all too rarely seen on the piste in these humdrum days. The fourth member is Dick Hall, whose nom de guerre of "Beau Sobreur" has. it must be confessed, puzzled us since his exhibitions against the Australians recently, and who is included before being pensioned off in the near future. He is expected to astound his opponents; he should, for he astounds us. Should anything be left, of our adversaries, Geoff Lowe will promptly perform the Happy Despatch upon them. Relying on his habitual glamorous appearance when not fencing (hence "Beau Brummel" to his friends) he has created an aura of aristocratic inviolability about him that causes even the Philistines from Canterbury to pause before hitting his sacred person.

The Heroines

Turning from the sublime to the ridiculous, we must consider the ladies of the team. Lorna Mackenzie will again come perilously close to disqualification for fencing in a classical orthodox style that is perfect in every respect; naturally her opponents, used to more violent affrays, will be too non plussed to retaliate. Dale Gouren, on the other hand, will come close to taking the Ladies' Open Judo Title, if her present performance is any guide. Sarah Tidey presents the third problem for young players; disdaining to attack, she relies on a redoublement of the counter riposte, done out of time, out of distance, and indeed, out of this world. Further descriptions of her amazing technique is beyond us. In the most difficult position comes Gerda Buehler, for she must present a fresh problem for her opponents, and it is clear that between them, the other three members of the ladies' team have left few aspects of fencing, orthodox or unorthodox, unexplored. Our confidence in Gerda is however, unshaken; she can be relied on to think of at least one attack hitherto unknown to the fencing world, and it is on this triumphant note that our team leaves for Palmerston and immortality. Ave Atque Vale.

Editor's footnote: (One hesitates to accept the above, but the fact is that Victoria has again got a strong fencing team. They have a lot of tournament experience behind them and. despite strong claims from Canterbury-, have an excellent chance to obtain eight shield points for Victoria. Good luck to them.)