The New Zealand Railways Magazine, Volume 6, Issue 8 (April 1, 1932.)
Wit and Humour — News from the Zoos
Wit and Humour
News from the Zoos.
Words having the same sound but differing in meaning cause children much perplexity. The earliest names they learn are those of animals (including of course the human kind), and the language of adults is best understood when it circles round dogs, pigs, and such like simple subjects. The little girl who called her Teddy “Gladly” had been happy to find a hymn sung frequently about “Gladly My Cross I'd Bear,” and she had re-arranged the eyes of her pet dolly bear so that they would be cross-eyed too. It was an altogether different child who felt certain that all women loved young bears after hearing the hymn:
“Can a mother's tender care
Cease toward the child she bare.”
* * *
Passed.
Foreman (on excavation job): “Do you think you are fit for really hard labour?”
Applicant: “Well, some of the best judges in the country have thought so.”
* * *
An Aberdeen Story.
The hall porter in an Aberdeen hotel was relating his experiences of the latest arrival to the boots. “Yes,” he said, “I carried his bag up three flights of stairs, and at the top he slipped something into my hand and said: ‘That's for a cup of tea.’”
“And what was it?” asked the boots. “A! pesny?
“No,” replied the hll potter, “a lump of sugar.”
Not That Kind.
Grocer: “You want a pound of ochre? Is it red ochre for painting bricks?”
Small boy: “No, it's tappy ochre wot maw makes puddin' with.”
* * *
The Hit-back.
He was very hungry, so he pushed open the swing doors of the restaurant and entered. It was a rough, ill-smelling place, but he thought he would try a cup of coffee and something to eat.
The waitress brought coffee in a thick, heavy cup.
“Where's the saucer?” inquired our fastidious friend.
“We don't give no saucers here,” replied the girl. “If we did, some ill-bred ignoramus would come blowing in, and drink out of his saucer, and we'd lose a lot of our swellest customers.”
The Power Of Advertising.
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“It's no use Harold, motoring has no further attraction for me—in future I'll do all my travelling by rail