The New Zealand Railways Magazine, Volume 6, Issue 4 (September 1, 1931.)
Wit And Humour
Wit And Humour
The Irish Of It.
A childless married couple in Ireland adopted an orphaned three months old German baby. Then they took a correspondence course in German so that they would be ready to understand the child when it started to talk.
* * *
A Joke on Casey.
Murphy: “What's that in your pocket?”
Pat (in whisper): “Dynamite. I'm waiting for Casey. Every time he meets me he slaps me on the chest and breaks me pipe. Next time he does it, he'll blow his hand off.”
* * *
Explained.
“I say, Bill,” said a bricklayer to his mate, “what's a cosmopolitan?”
“Well,” was the careful reply, “if there was a Russian Jew living in Scotland with an Italian wife smoking Turkish cigarettes at a French window, in a room with a Persian carpet and a German band was playing ‘The dear little Shamrock’ after a supper of Dutch cheese made into a Welsh rabbit, you'd be quite safe in saying that chap was a cosmopolitan!”
* * *
You Know Her!
Chubitt: “Do you believe in the doctrine of reincarnation?”
Dubitt: “There must be something in it, my boy. I know a woman of thirty who distinctly remembers things that happened forty years ago.”
Generous.
Boss: “Mike, I'm going to make you a present of a pig.”
Mike: “Sure, an' ‘tis just like you, sor!”
* * *
Pampering Junior.
“What did you give baby for his first birthday?”
“We opened his money-box and bought the little darling a lovely electric iron.”
* * *
Looking Worried.
“What's the matter, Sandy? You're looking worried.”
“Hey, mon, ma wife lost her diamond ring in the dustbin this morning, and I've been down in the dumps all day.”
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A Fare Go!
“Hello Donald—travelling on business or pleasure?”
“Pleasure laddie, pleasure, wi' a twenty per cent, reduction in fares.”