The New Zealand Railways Magazine, Volume 6, Issue 3 (August 1, 1931)

Wit And Humour

Wit And Humour

The “Ugly Man” Contest.

“I was spending my holidays in the country and went to the Show,” says a well-known Works Manager on the N.Z.R. “There were competitions of all kinds, but nothing in which I could compete till the ‘Ugly Man’ contest was announced, and I stood up ‘with the bells on.’ The judge walked down the line, and stopping in front of me for a moment, said: ‘You are making it a bit too hot, aren't you?’ ‘Why, what do you mean?’ ‘Well,’ said he, ‘this is not the World's International Championship; this is only a friendly local competition!’ He evidently looked on me as a professional ‘pot hunter’.”

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Pet, Not Poet.

Clergyman (to father who has just had his baby christened “Homer”): “I suppose Homer is your favourite poet?”

Father: “Poet! Lor’, no sir! I keep pigeons.”

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Partners in Crime.

A kind-hearted gentleman saw a little boy trying to reach the doorbell. He rang the bell for him, then said: “What now, my little man?”

“Run—,” said the little boy; “that's what I'm going to do.”

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One Day Service.

Amateur Photographer: “Have my films developed all right?”

Chemist: “The answer is in the negative.”

A Schoolboy Howler.

One of the brightest examples of schoolboy howlers was chronicled during the interrogation of an upper standard in a Gisborne school recently. The interrogator, one of the Education Board's Inspectors, asked the pupils to write down the feminine of a series of nouns which he would give them. Among the nouns was “buck,” and one bright young scholar without the slightest hesitation wrote as its feminine the word “buckshee.”

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