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Story of the 34th
Malsi Madness
page 141
Malsi Madness
| Adjutant: | This man is charged with Using insubordinate language in that when asked why he entered for the Maiden Chop at the Malsi wood-chop and wouldn't chop at the time when he should have chopped, replied that he made only one chop in the Maiden Chop and then wouldn't chop any more. |
| CO: | (a bit stunned)—er, read that a bit more slowly will you? |
| Adjutant: | reads it again with tedious exactness. |
| CO: | (turning to accused) So it was the Maiden Chop, eh? |
| Accused: | No, the wood chop, sir. |
| CO: | But you wouldn't chop, they tell me. |
| Accused: | No sir, not in the Maiden Chop. |
| CO: | Let's steady down and get this straight. You wouldn't chop in the Maiden Chop, because why? |
| Accused: | Well, I made a chop… |
| CO: | Yes, that's right, the Maiden Chop, but the Adjutant says it was a case of you wouldn't chop. |
| Accused: | Of course it was a wooden chop. I wouldn't have entered if it hadn't been wooden. |
| CO: | You could have chopped through the whole of the wood without stopping. |
| Accused: | I didn't see no hole in the wood. You see, I made a chop, but didn't male no hole, so that's why I wouldn't chop any more. |
| CO: | What I mean is—we wouldn't expect chaps who could chop to enter in a Maiden Chop, so you should have gone on chopping, because no one else could chop either. |
| Accused: | But I made such a bad chop when I tried. If the others had only made one chop— |
| Co: | But all the others weren't Maiden Chops. There were Novice Chops, and Championship Chops, and Standing Chops. |
| Accused: | Were all those wooden chops, too? |
| CO: | Yes, of course, you couldn't have a wood chop unless what you chopped was wooden. |
| Accused: | Well, then, would a chap chop better if he chopped in more wood chops with other chaps? |
| CO: | Of course, my boy. All you've got to do to have a wood chop, is to get the chaps, then the blocks, have the chops, then sweep up the chips. |
| Accused: | Thank you, sir. |