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Profs. and Other Innuendoes.

Filleted Fripperies for Freshers.

With the beginning of a new 'Varsity year many of you in our midst are freshmen, unaware of the traps and pitfalls set by such institutions as the S.C.M., the Hui Marae Club, and the Chess Club. With this object in view, we will lay bare the inmost secrets of Professors and other public dangers, so that you may keep strictly to the straight and narrow way.

Most of what Professors publish is intended to trick you, and such catch phrases as sapientia magis auro desideranda, which is clearly an unmitigated controversion of veracity, and of the present Government and its policy, are nefariously circulated to damn democracy, crucify corruption, and blast the bleary; but be of strong heart, heed not their words, and pour all your coppers into riotous revelry pro bono publican (verb sap.).

Bu[unclear: t] whose stately figure marches with majestic grace, midst clicking fingers? That, O unknowing one, is Brookie, scourge of the pitch-and-toss school, lord of the corridors, and ruiner of man's reputation. Beware of Brookie! His bark is worse than his bite!

You freshers are under the tyranny of a despotic, democratic plutocracy, though, alas! a Plank of the platform has gone and constitutions are no more. The stud ass known to the proletariat as the Exec, is ruled with a fist of steel by the President—a diabolical democrat, ever seeking larger largesse for the Football Club. Take no notice of their canons—they are overloaded with talk.

Now you are forewarned of the dangers, we can introduce you to the buildings, founded on frivolous fantasies. Weir House provides the frivolities and the gym, provides the fantasies (O! rapture divine). And what is that stately brick pile? Hush! That is the College itself—it provides nothing at all. And now, dear fresher, we will leave you.