Future Life at Weir House.

Dear "Smad,"—

Already the whisper is creeping round the local hoarding houses, hostels, pubs, soup kitchens, and dumps of various kinds that the Weir House is soon to fling open its portals—to whom?

There is a disquieting premonition at present disturbing the mental equanimity of the more profound thinkers among those who propose to enter this establishment—is our future home to be dominated by (a) the S.C.M., (b) the law students. We fear that when (c) equals the rest of us (a) and (b) is greater than (c).

Let us make a brief survey of the two great vortices of University life within these intellectual walls—the Common Room, with its more select prototype, the Debating Society— and the Cafeteria. The first group is infected with Law, in its most virulent form. One cannot approach these precincts without becoming nauseated with the babble of legal voices. The discussions promulgated by the noisy habitues are invariably either clamourous decisions on all points of controversy with the sublime assurance of arrogant immaturity, or of such a pornographic nature as to cause the ubiquitous but scandalised S.C.M. members to hide their furtive smirks behind the letter rack. If one ventures to attend a debate one is bathed in the same waves of unbridled verbosity as inundate the Common Room.

Descending to the Cafeteria, through knots of Brothers and Sisters improving the relations of the sexes, one finds that the sanctimonious murmurings of the inevitable Truth-seekers drown even the uproar of mastication.

The unruffled calm of many a University Club has frequently been disturbed by inruptions of both legal peacockery and academic proselytism. On such occasions the mental gymnastics of these invaders is almost as appropriate) among the meditative calm of the rest of the members as is the presence of ungulate non-ruminant omnivorous mammals among those lustrous concretions usually associated with the edible bivalve molluscs.

We could tell more of these interested personages, but we never descend to personalities.

We know that it is too much to hope for a mitigation of these evils within this forcing house of learning, but the prospect of residential cohabitation with A and B (see above) is too appalling to be contemplated. We appeal to the submerged but saner students to rescue Weir House from its impending fate.