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SMAD. An Organ of Student Opinion. 1932. Volume 3. Number 5.

Are You in Difficulties ? — "Smad" Starts a New Feature Service

page 5

Are You in Difficulties ?

"Smad" Starts a New Feature Service.

In response to insistent demand we have decided to commence a feature column dealing with some of the deeper problems affecting the daily lives of students in the College. With great difficulty and at great cost we have been fortunate enough to have secured the services of a man of vast experience in matters relating to modern problems. He has given us permission to publish his name at a later date. If you are troubled about, your boy friend, girl friend, wife, motor-car, or dog, ask us. We will help you.

"Diddled" writes.—"[ have twice entered the Common Common Room recently, and found a solitary couple there in silent communion. What am I to do?

Answer.—Why hesitate. If he's a smaller man than you are it shouldn't be difficult. "Puritan" writes.—A man at recent Dance at V.U.C. took me out side to a car and produced a bottle of "Knockem cockeyed" Cocktail and said "Have some giggle-juice, dear"? Tell me what should I do.

Answer.—I can only refer you to Mr. Rollings.

"Eager" writes.—I am madly in love with the most beautiful ravishing girl I have ever seen. I see her in the College Hall every Friday night. How can I meet her?

Answer.—You must be mistaken! Surely it is not Victoria College to which you refer.

I feel I should like to be Greta Garbo. Should I join the Dramatic Club?—"Sexsurge."

Answer—No; join the S.C.M.

"Innocentiay" writes—"How can I concentrate on lectures this year? Two little love birds kick and coo in front of me without cessation. I try to pay attention, but my gaze somehow seems to wander on them. I am really so em harassed.

Answery.—I think that there is something sinister in your intentions. I shrewdly suspect that you have an eye on the man yourself, and I will not aid you to do anything to separate the two happy ones.

"He-Man" writes.—"For some weeks past I have noticed six charming damsels studying every day at a corner library table. I am simply dying to meet them, either jointly or severally, and could you suggest a way that I could get a "look-in"?

Answer.—The solution, "He-man," is perfectly simple. Let a large Chinese "banger" off in their immediate proximity. One, or all will be sure to faint. Then rush in, and take the most suitable in your arms—and its "O.K."

There was an old Bishop of Bonne
Who put his wife'6 underclothes on.
He looked so uncouth
That it got into "Truth,"
Headed: "Prelate's Pink Pants take the Scone."