This letter was presented to one of the "Smad" Committee, who answers as follows:—

Unaffected by your slashing attack on the members of our community, I yet wish that you had used your damnably accurate powers of observation in endeavouring to probe beneath this unpromising exterior in the hope of finding the real soul that even the most supine, assinine and saturnine amongst us possess.

You are disturbed, your confess, that all is not well with us and for that I honour you, but be not cast down, o my soul, all is not yet lost. Admittedly there are occasions of sin here—the brazen cigarette in the common room, the furtive whisper in the library, and most shocking of all, the temptations among the tombstones, but fall not into these ways, my dear! Above all do not be tempted to put the "V" into Varsity—you may fall into the error of those Haeremaiites who think they are putting the whoop into Whoopee and make the sober minded among us writhe at their attempts. You have the urge to nobler things, come with me and learn how to accomplish them, and you will soon have a higher and truer conception of those who sit with you at the fount of knowledge.

Grasp the opportunity I proffer ere it is too late and remember this—the foot that slips too often on the orange peel of sin, too seldom becomes the hand that rocks the cup that cheers but does not inebriate. —Yours in rem,

Hector.