Other formats

    Adobe Portable Document Format file (facsimile images)   TEI XML file   ePub eBook file  

Connect

    mail icontwitter iconBlogspot iconrss icon

The Spike or Victoria College Review June 1930

The Cafeteria

page 54

The Cafeteria

Sir,—I have heard certain students of this College complaining about the service of the Cafeteria and the quality of the food ultimately received. Now, sir, let me say that the present-day students have not the strong constitutions that were the glory of us students when first I entered the College. You all remember the sad case of the student who, early this year was carried in rigor mortis from the Cafeteria. Now, sir, compare him with myself. That student was a fresher, and suffered little. I have been here 13 years. During those thirteen years I have partaken considerably of College meat and drink, and, looking over my daily diary, I find that to date I have drunk, at the rate of 3 per day, 7,800 cups of tea; at the rate of 5 per day, 13,000 scones; and at varying rates, 2,600 pies, 15,600 slices of bread, 1,300 chocolate biscuits, 700 plates of variously cooked cow, pig, and sheep, 8 plates of fish savoury and 1 plate of cheese savoury (!! quoth the Raven). Now, sir, the outstanding fact is that I am still alive. But that is not all.

From my diary again I find that I have spent during 13 years 2,600 hours in the Cafeteria. This works out to 3 months 2 weeks 0 days and 4 hours. Of this amount I have spent 1,950 hours, or 81 days 6 hours in waiting to be served, and 27 days (of 24 hours) 2 hours in actually eating. Now, sir, the second outstanding fact is that I have succeeded in becoming a Master of Arts. My thesis is proved. It is definitely proved that:—

1.The time spent in waiting for, and in eating food within the College Cafeteria is not wasted.
2.That the process of getting degrees is the process of eliminating the unfit.
3.That the finest testing ground is the Cafeteria.
4.That the survivors find M.A. a matter of ridiculous ease. Sir, I thank you, and remain,

Triumphant.

P.S.—I am a member of the Tramping Club and owe my gustatory strength to the inoculatory efforts of Prof. B--- W-----'s stews.