page 9

Groatz's Song

(Air: "I am a Gay Caballero.")

Oh I'm what they call a hero.
Where danger is, I appear-oh.
I've a popular style,
And a canvassing smile,
That extends from my nose to my ear-oh.

In youth I adored tobacco,
I ordered it by the sack-oh.
And now I am starred
On a cig-a-rette card,
With directions for use on the back-oh.

I never learned Esperanto,
I thought it was only rant-oh,
But I'll make it a truce,
For it might have its use,
If I ever should want to levant-oh.

I never did like tomato;
To dodge 'em is quite an art-oh.
For they give you a scare,
If they land in your hair,
And they always disfigure the part-oh.

If I had a big sombrero.
And spurs and high boots to wear-oh,
Through the streets I would ride,
With a gun at my side,
And I'd give Harry Holland a scare-oh!

Some day I shall disappear-oh;
No longer I'll be a hero.
To the farm I'Il retire,
And I'Il sit by the fire,
And be happy on mutton and beer -oh.

Come bull and meet your Orlando,
By whom you will soon be canned-oh!
I reply to each roar—
And I've said it before—
"I will make you eat out of my hand-oh!"