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Invitation to Debate

To those who hesitate
To join in fierce debate,
I humbly dedicate
These verses.

If the bat and the ball don't tempt you
And you haven't a thought in your head,
I maintain that doesn't exempt you
From treading where others have lead;
Don't be at all discouraged,
Buy a hat of a larger size,
Come to the Gym. on Saturday nights
And learn to criticise.

If you never have shone on an Honour s list
(A failing we most have got)
And never been seen on the tennis court
Or tackled a mashie shot,
If your previous choice of pastimes
Has been worse than your taste in ties,
Just come up on Saturday nights
And learn to criticise.

You do not need to study
Or think things out for yourself
—You will find out most of the words to say
Up on the library shelf:
If you are able to stand on your feet
And wobble your hands and lips
You can always come on Saturday nights
To give the world some tips.

You need be able to say no word
That bears on the thing in hand,
You needn't construct, but you must destroy
If you join our Utile band;
And Tm certain whatever you say or do
Will certainly be quite right
—If only you'll fill those empty seats
We see each Saturday night.

H.R.B.