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Science Personalties

In the last few Spikes we have heard much about the famous people of the College, but the Science Department with its many celebrities seems somehow to have been forgotten. So that this should not happen again we have this time sent our special reporter to that sacred wing to learn something of the private lives of our great heroes. The following information, which he had gathered after he had become accustomed to the wonderful aroma that seems to pervade that place, may be of some interest to our readers.

The greatest personality to be found there, is of course the President of the Stud. Ass. You have perhaps imagined him attending daily to the wants of the College, surrounded by students with their club notes like this—

But in reality we find he is greatly interested in wool—not that we find him knitting his own socks—but he appears to make a collection of sheepskins. We surmise that he finds them useful to wear when unwelcome guests come into his room, or perhaps on some cold day we may quite expect to find him like this—

Another famous personality inhabiting the Biology floor is a famous footballer who has helped the 'Varsity team to gain its many victories. To our surprise we find on psycho-analysing him that he has a buttonhole complex—in fact at the time of our writing this his wonderful collection of buttonholes has mounted up to the great number of 192, but in this spring weather it is of course increasing rapidly. He may often be seen admiring his beautiful collection, which he is very page 19 sorry he could not exhibit at the Conversazione, but which he may leave for the museum when he no longer honours the college with his presence, and the original wearers have also left.

The holder of a chemistry scholarship was also visited, but sad to relate, we found him very shy and retiring. We expected to find him working hard day and night, but to our surprise we heard it rumoured that he has an eye for a pretty girl and delights in the Vale Blues, but we were not able to gain any definite information on this point. Science students are apt to be reticent at times.

Great boxers seem to delight in science, two of them taking great joy in preparing deadly poisons. One of them distinguishes himself by wearing a most beautiful blue check blouse, which is the envy of all the girls, and also men. We believe they will be the fashion next year, and would like to suggest for those who are Scotch, that tartans might perhaps also be made up that way. We would also advise those who admire it not to look too closely, as the wearer loves to strangle people, sending the bodies up the lift to the geology department.

Even in so learned a department as that of Science, we may find such a prominent human being as a sheik. But here, too, if we look into his private life, a dark past will be revealed, and we find that he is a murderer who in his early youth wilfully squashed a harmless Hydra underneath a coverslip, much to the horror and sorrow of the Biology department, who now look at him askance and are wondering whether to form a private police force to prevent any further cruelty.