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The Spike: or, Victoria College Review, June 1928

II.—the President of the Stud Ass

II.—the President of the Stud Ass.

He welcomed me gladly into his little room which served the purpose of study—cum—laboratory—cum—ticket office. With a careless hand he knocked a pile of books and apparatus off a chair, with a backward flick of his elbow he roughly dusted it and then finally presented it to me. I sat down; so did he. We lighted cigarettes and hesitatingly I cleared my throat.

"I come from 'Spike' " I said."The Editor thought that you might wish to favour the students with some few remarks. Coming from a man of your importance and holding such an honoured and worthy position as you do, he is sure that your opinion on such subjects as the Prof. Board, the College Council, or the Science Society would be listened to with respectful attention."

"Spike?" he answered. "Oh yes, I have been expecting you along ever since my election. As a matter of fact, I think you have been rather long in coming, but we will let that pass," he added in a sudden burst of magnanimity.

'Would you let us know what made you stand for election to the Presidential Chair?" I suggested.

"Well it was an unexpected honour, I must admit," he replied, "although I will not say altogether unexpected. The fact is I always was a few seconds late in getting up to decline nomination, owing to mal-development of my joints while young, and this time I forgot to entirely. However, now I do hold the proud position of President I assure you I will do all that is in my power to uphold the ancient traditions and glories——"

page 12

"Yes, yes," I said, hastily endeavouring to stem the rushing tide of eloquence, "but would you care to amplify the statement you made at the last Haeremai pie supper that the girls of Otago are far prettier than those of V.U.C.?"

"To that statement I can only give an emphatic denial," was the indignant reply. "Can you expect a man in my position, and a man who has always been worshipped by the women; can you, I say, expect me to endanger my reputation by agreeing with such a statement as that? I hold in reality that there are more women wearing silk stockings and using powder puffs at V.U.C. than at Otago, or any other university college in New Zealand——"

On the matter of College Politics he refused to commit himself. "I am now occupying a responsible position and cannot let 'Spike' know my opinions about the Profs., the coming election, what is wrong with the world, or the failure of democracy. In any case I am extremely busy now. If you wish for a considered opinion upon the price of wool next season, the value of the chemicals stored in this room or the possibility of me resigning my Presidency within the next few months, my fee is five guineas paid in advance. Otherwise I would consider it a favour if you would leave me alone to solve the problem as to why the Haeremai did not receive a grant of £5 last year."

We both rose from our chairs, clasped hands vigorously; then he opened the door and pushed me out. The last sounds I heard were his muttered curses as he tripped over the books he had so carelessly flung on the floor half an hour before.