[After careful enquiries by our Investigation Department we are sorry to be unable to allay your fears. A secret organisation (the I.C.U. But U.Can'tC.Me. Society) has recently been inaugurated. It is designed, according to our informants, to prepare successful alibis for its members in a career of crime, by en page 33 abling them to change the colour of their eyes at will. There are two stages—the novitiates, who wear horn-rimmed spectacles to accustom the eye to glasses, and the graduates, who wear darkly-tinted spectacles of different colours in succession, giving them their chameleon-like power. These are not to be confused with a totally different organisation which has adopted similar insignia . (Our informant thinks they are called the Hairee M'eye Association.) There is another class which invariably looks at the world through rose-coloured glasses, but they are quite harmless.—Ed.]