An Economical Encomium

If you've really come to college on the quest of super-knowledge.
And you want to foster Interest in your brain,
Or to be the proud possessor of a humorous professor,
You should come and learn the laws of Loss and Gain.
If the bane of Unemployment is retarding your enjoyment
Of the things you label "Capital" or "Dear,"
Or a lack of common gumption interferes with your Consumption—
Economics will establish your career.

If your waistcoat feels Elastic and your hunger's getting drastic,
And you even want a roof above your head,
You can find Accommodation and a method of Inflation,
If you make Consumer's Surplus do instead.
If you'd like to get instruction in the Factors of Production—
Which the rough, untutored person always loathes—
You can rise with jubilation to the hurdle of Taxation,
And you'll never suffer Rent upon your clothes!

If you're under obligation due to foolish Speculation,
And your Creditors your sad condition learn,
You can make them keep their distance with the dangerous assistance
Of the Canon of Diminishing Return!
You can gleam some Satisfaction when you're having an Extraction,
You can save yourself from Sweating and the like;
And—to go a trifle deeper—you will learn, O heavy sleeper,
Not to worry when the clock begins to Strike!

—D.J.D.