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The Spike: or, Victoria College Review, June 1909

Answers to Correspondents

page 71

Answers to Correspondents

Five academics standing in a row

Henry Bodley. — Declined.

G.F.D-x-n— Your "Impressions of a Novice in the Art of Terpsichore" is most fascinating reading. Wish we were novices with you.

J.W.He-n-n.—i. Regret to find on enquiry that the position of King's Fool is not open to New Zealander. ii. Yes; we have noticed your resemblance to Tommy Burns, but understand that he is a professional.

J-mmy O.g.—We are informed that "oleaginous flap-doodle" is now quoted at 2s. 11d. Per yard.

Editor, "Dominion."—You should teach your reporters to restrain their candour. The following extract from your issue of 8th February is expressed rather neatly, but is really too candidly pointed :—"Professor T.H. Easterfield, Ph.D, of Victoria College, occupied the pulpit at the Missions to Seamen's Church last evening. The congregation was not a large one."

D.R. H-gg-rd.—We think that the tone of your lost overcoat notice was too mild.

F.A.D-I-M.r.—Yes, the overcoat was returned in due course; but what became of the whisky flask that was in the pocket?

H.E.Ev-ns.— Sorry, but your "Impressions of London Music Halls" are hardly fit for publication.

A.M-cD-ug-ll.—Will be delighted to publish any impressions of yours.

Dr. C. P. Kn-ght.— You are certainly outspoken, but there are some who mightmistake your sentiments for egotism when you assert that Victoria College is nothing more of less than a "Knight School." If we might say so, there are the Professors to consider.

S.E.ch-lba-m— The Spike does not exist to explain all the incomprehensibilities of your capping songs; after your verbose explanation, we are still more ignorant as to what a "Bulgar" might be.

T.N.H-lmd.n— Your article on the Timber Industry is hardly suitable for our columns. We note with pleasure the ingenuity of your careful distinction between rimu and red pine; as you say, it was well that you impressed this point on the Gymnasium Committee—and their architect.

page 72

H. L. C--k.—i. We understand that the Debating Society has not sufficient funds to give a prize for reading. But don't let that deter you; the true amateur will keep on, prizes or no prizes. ii. No; we hardly think that your captaincy of the III. A Hockey team justifies your signing your-self as "Captain Cook" !

C. N. Ba-y-rtz.—We are in accord with your criticism of Madame Melba; we always are. We do not know whether you noticed several frightful mispronunciations of hers; on three distinct occasions she pronounced "too" as " to," and she utterly failed to distinguish between either of those words and the word "two." [N.B.—We paid two shillings to get in; what did you pay?]

J. M. T-dh-pe.—With regard to your proposed Roller Skating Club, what form of life and accident insurance do you propose to adopt ?

R. St. J. B--re.—i. Do not heed the querulous complaints of those who consider that, because you appointed yourself secretary of the Shooting Practices, you should therefore have attended those practices regularly, and have made all arrangements for ammunition, etc. The mountain must not go to Mahomet. ii. As you point out, the fact that a local Volunteer Corps has had to elect you a lieutenant, is an irrebuttable argument in favour of an Officers' Training Corps. iii. In view of the fact (pointed out by Major Lascelles) that the men from the U.T.C. will sustain the bulk of the casualties, please—oh! please—do not take Inder with you into your first engagement (i.e., military engagement). iv. Your didactic poem, entitled "Beere, Beere—Glorious Beere I" is not of sufficient merit for publication. We quote one verse:—

"Your Bogles, Stracks, or Crams
Aren't worthy of compare
With our one and only Rawdon—
Lieutenant Rawdon Beere."

The poem seems to us to lack conviction. v. Yes; Capilla.