To B.A.

(With apologies to Praed.)

I.
Oh, charming beautiful B.A.
For years I've sought your favour,
I've toiled for you through night and day,
Till toil has lost its savour;
For though you are of low degree,
Your guardians are heartless,
And bachelor I long shall be,
A Bachelor that's Artless:
But Time his endless changes brings,
Not always shall I pine:
Ah, when the College gets its wings,
Ah, then thou wilt be mine.

page 75

II.
When Suffragettes no longer look
To capture what is man's;
When Richmond publishes his book
And Adamson his banns;
When Registrar's no longer rob,
Nor College windows rattle,
When Mr. Brook gives up his job,
To speculate in cattle;
When Hogben keeps his "jokes" at home,
And Hughie Mac. his kine,
When Papes are only found in Rome,
Ah, then thou wilt be mine.

III.
When Kirk eschews the softer parts
And casts away the dead bits,
When girls no longer lose their hearts
In Julius Knight or Zedlitz,
(That rhyme may seem a bit uncouth,
But still its rich and ringing)
When people rush to hear the truth
Or Archie Bogle singing;
When dresses are not "simply sweet"
Nor Clara Butt "divine,"
When merits with due justice meet,
Ah, then thou wilt be mine.

IV.
When nought on earth is deemed a bore,
Or Dr. Gibb a pagan,
When Auckland really wants no more,
Or Wellington O'Regan;
When Politicians e'er refuse
A favour, near elections,
When Auctioners or Agents lose
In selling City sections;
When anglers ever "lose a fish"
Or ever "break a line"
When men get everything they wish,
Ah, then thou wilt be mine.

page 76

V.
When Bertie pulls a fearsome face,
Or de la Mare a cork,
When Toogood wins a leading case,
Or Stocker lad the walk,
When paltry rhymsters cease to write
Such wretched stuff as this is,
When men who boast of deeds to might,
Dare disobey their Mrs;
When Age admits that joyous Youth
Knows anything; in fine
When truth is falsehood, falsehood truth,
Then, sweetheart, thou'lt be mine.

S.E.