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The Pamphlet Collection of Sir Robert Stout: Volume 87

Special Telegram

Special Telegram.

Lambton Kay, Wellin'ton,

Begorra I ixpict yer readhers will be wondherin' what's become o' me, at all at all, havin' sint ye no tilicrams for the last few weeks. Some mane blackgard has been hoaxin' one o' yer contimporaries, pretindin' that I was down at Invercargill at the Openin', an' that I put up at me cousin Mick's, in Dunaydin. Faix I've been as busy as a nailor here for the last fortnight, helpin' the Markiss to pack up his thraps. Betchune you and me I've had the divil's own job fixin' up the Vice-raygil jewils, which, be the same token, are gettin' the worse o' the wair. Mesilf an' Pat O'Rell have been polishin' up his Lordship's soord and spurs, so that be may look clane an' dacint whin he lands in Mitburne. 'Pon me conshinse the Markiss was as plaised as Punch whin I read me farewell pome to him, so he was. "Blur-an'-ounthers, Paddy aroon," ses he, as the jews o' gratichude gathered in his eyes, I'll niver be able to repay ye, me boy, tor the tinth part o' yer kindness to me, so I won't," ses he. "Arrah, don't minshin' it, me Lord," ses I, "Sure I'll give ye a few lines to Brieny O'Lougblin, the Actin'-Prime-ear av Victoria, an', begorra, he'll take care that yer Lordship is thrated wid ivery respect, so he will," ses I. The Markiss couldn't spake in reply, but the warm shake o' the hand which he gave me, as the tears thrickled down his Vice-raygil nose, spoke volumes o' gratichude. Arrah, ye may talk as ye plaise av dimocracy, an' radicalism, an' manhood suffrage, but ther's nothin' to aiqual a dhrop o' the rale ould blood, after all, so there's not. Shure the Markiss an' mesilf have both sprung from anshint histhory, an' that's the rayson ther's always been a kind o' grah betchune up. I've been givin' Pat O'Rell a few lessons in the noble art av self-difince, as he thinks it'll be useful to him in Austhraily, where ther's so many larrykins. I'll be down wid his Lordship on the 17th, to see him safely off. Tell Mick to keep a bed for me.

Paddy Murphy.