The Pamphlet Collection of Sir Robert Stout: Volume 87
The Demonsthrashion. — Marriage av the Cities. — Thrue an' Faithful Account O' The Openin'
The Demonsthrashion.
Marriage av the Cities.
Thrue an' Faithful Account O' The Openin'.
September 8, 1878.
Av coorse yer tin thousand readhers will be looking out anxiously for yer humble sarvint's account o' the Openin' o' the Railway, and the thrip down from Willin'ton, an' begorra I'm sorry for it, for I've the divil's own headache to-day afther last night's banket, an', in konsiquince, I'll not be able to give ye sich a graffic report as I might have sint ye under more propishious sarcumstances. Howsomever, I'll thry an' give ye a brief outline o' the dimonsthration. Av coorse ye know that mesilf an' the Markiss kum down to Lyttelton in the Nymphe, whilst the rest o' the boys thravelled in the Hineymo an' Taupo. Only two mimbers of the Ministhry, besides mesilf, kum down, as the rest o' me collaiges are busy makin' out "our bills, bekaise it's the beginning o' the month. Me two fellow Ministhors, Misther Stout an' Farmer Fisher, wint aboord the Hineymo, but the Markiss insisted that I should thravel wid him in the Nymphe, which landed in Port Cooper a day sooner thin the other mimbers. Begorra we got a grand recipshun in Christchurch, so we did. Five bould warriors, mounted on hansom chargers (splindid kab horses, out o' complimint to the Kabinit), wid dhrawn soords, galloped afther the Vice-raygil carriage to the Club, where our party put up. Thin kum Docthor Fosther, robed in his a-cad-dam-ical page 39 kostchume, lookin as proud as a newly married pay-cock. The sthreets wor lined wid the most initinse enthusism, only there was so much dust that ye couldn't see it, an' the two min an' a boy, who are keepin' the ruins o' the kathedhril in ordher, stopped their wheelbarrows to gaze on the coortage as it passed. On the Thursday, mesilf an' the Markiss opened the Musaim, which is a great place intirely, so it is. Talk about moas, an' monkeys, an' whales, an' rhino-soar-us-is, an' sich like baists, 'pon me conshinse it has no aiquil in New Zayland; but for donkeys it's not to be minshioned in the same breath as Willinton at this saison o' the year, so it's not. On the Thursday night, av coorse, we attinded the
Mayor's Banket.
"Whin I remimber all
The 'tots' we've had together,
When cronies used to fall
Like laives in dusty weather,
I feel like one who dhrinks alone,
Chaip wine wid cork long started,
The flavour's fled, the sperrit's dead,
An' all the stringth departed."
Afther the bankit our party returned to the Club, an' tuk a few tumblers o' punch to sittle our stomiks, an' keep off the nightmare. Thin we had a sixhanded game o' forty-fives, as it wasn't worth while turnin' in afore the time o' startin'. Mesilf, the Markiss, an' Pat O'Rell, our aid-to-kong (Frinch), wor partners, whilst Major Lain, Kaptin Townsind, an' George M'Lean, wor our veesey-vees (Frinch). We bait thim two out o' three, owin' to me shuparior knowledge o' the game. The Major thried to chaite once or twice, but I was too knowin' for him. These ould sojers are up to all kinds o' thricks, so they arc. An' now for a condinsed account o'
The Thrip.
"Break, break, break,
On thy could grey stones, O say,
An' I would that me tongue could utther,
'This line is sure to pay."
An' now the fog-horn blows, the guards jump aboord, an' a thrimindchious cheer bursts from the stintorian lungs av one juvenile pathriot as he waves a dirty little pocket-hankercher in the mornin' breeze, an' cries "hooray."
page 40Whiz, whiz, whizing we go be paddock, field, garden, an' plain, an' as the clock sthrikes eight, the towers av Ashburton loom in the distance, an' the Markiss whispers to me, "Be the hokey, I'm ready for breakkust, Paddy." Arrivin' at
Ashburton,
an addhress is prisinted to us, expressin' loyalty, etccthra, an' we rush over to the Town Hall, where a very nate raypast greets our oilfactory narves. Aither breakfast we inspect a fine Bullock that tuk first prize at the Corporation Show a few days before. We jump aboord again, an' rush across the plains to Timaru. As we come close to this important say-port, Misther Wakefield points out the breakwather to us in the distance through the tiliscope av idayality. Arrivin' at
Timaru,
we recaive a perfect ovation. Thriumphal arches, an' flags, an' banners, an' po-shays take us for a dhrive round the town, an' in half-an-hour we return an' make another start, laivin' siviral av our passingers behind us. A couple of hours more brings us to
Oamaru,
where a grand war-like display awaits us. The intire army of the White City are dhrawn up in battle array. The squadhrons an' battalions parade wid soords dhrawn and baignets gleamin' in the noon-day blaze, whilst the hayros' eyes flash marshal ardhor, an' their mustashes bristle wid fierce emotion as the vice-raygil salute is fired. Afther inspectin' the breakwather we return to lunch, an' murther-in-Irish, ye never saw sich a sight in yer born days. Talk about the poor craythurs runnin' afther victuals in the Chinese famine, 'pon me sowl it was only small pittaties compared to the rush made to the banket hall at Oamaru. We wor led into a big bam, through laborinths of cornsacks, till we kum to a narrow staircase, where we filed up one be one to the banket. Av coorse mesilf and the vice-raygil party had nothin' to complain av, as we raiched the hall first an' devoured two turkeys before the company was saited. Be me conshinse it was as good as a play to see tbe Markiss get up wid a turkey's dhnim-stick in one hand an' a glass o' rhodhero in the other to respond to the toast av his health, proposed be Major Stewart in felicichus language, I may here menshin ong-pass-on (Frinch), that we only left about twinty av our passingers at Oamaru. Nothin' av importance happened until we raiched
Palmerston,
Sweet, lovely bowers av innocinse an' aise.
At thee, alas I Cobb's coach no longer stays,
"Och Paddy, me darlint, me jewel, me dear,
I've fought wid yer counthrymin out in Cowbull,
Yer welkim, me honey, to visit Cashmere,
Be-jabers, me heart is wid gratichude full."
Arrival at Dunaidin.
Be the hokey-poker, me pin lacks iloquince to discribe the grand ovation we recaived at the Dunaidin Station. The volunteers, undher Kurnil Stavely, looked mighty imposin', dhrawn up in line av battle, only it was so dark we couldn't see thim, so we couldn't Thin there was the illicthors lights (a manhood suffrage dimonsthration), an' illuminations on Watsous', an' Sargood's, and the Banks, an' the braes, an' the public buildins. Begog, it was a fine sight intirely, so it was. A carriage an' four greys wor waitin' to take mesilf an' the vice-raygil party to the Club, but who the dickens should I meet at the station but me cousin Mick, who keeps the City Hotel, an' he would force me home wid him in spite o' the remonsthrances o' the Markiss, who feels miserable if I'm not always be his side whiu he's thravellin'. Av coorse dacincy wouldn't allow me to turn the could shouldher on me own kith an' kin, for although I occupy a more ixalted position thin me rilitive, still there's no dirty pride about me, an' blood is sthronger than wather, so it is. I need hardly tell ye that Mick made me as welkim as the flowers o' May to the City, an' he got a warmin'-pan to me feet, bekaise I'm not cured o' me could yit. Whin I tell ye that it's twinty-one years since Mick an' I parted, ye'll undhérstand how glad we wor to meet again. Whin we lift the County Waxford together, he imigrated to Boston, an' I kum out to New Zayland. Av coorse our first few words o' greetin' was in our native language, as follows:—" Och asthore, banachlath gude deamatha thu grah machree?" ses Mick. "Arrah bather shin ma bouchileen bawn, shule aroon, shin-fane shin-fane, thiggin thu," ses I, That inded the discoorse in Gaelic, an' "Kinnahin," from Belfast, was brought in to keep us company. As I've to start in the mornin' be the thrain, in ordher to be up at the nixt Kabinit sayance in Willin'ton, I have been forced to write this on the Sunday against me will. The ixcillint banket given last night be yer Mayor (Misther Leary) suggested the following thrifle:—
The Dunaidin Bankit.
Don't talk to me av Throjans
Or ainshint thaologans.
That live in Æsop's fables, or Homer's high-flown dhrames;
I wish ye wouldn't prate, O,
Of Sock-rat-is an' Plato,
I'm mountin' my Pig-asses now for grandher, nobler thaimes.
The Railway Dimonsthation
Claims me congratulation;
Och, blur-an-oimthers, man alive! 'twas beautiful to see
The City Guards an' Gunners
(Begorra, they are stunners),
Presintin' arms, an' legs, too, for the Governor an' me.
The grand illuminations,
An' banners av all nations,
In lovely situations, wor gorgeous to behould;
Likewise the banket, too, boys,
No thripe or Irish stew, boys,
But rale ould mountain jew, boys, wid geese an' turkeys could.
The butchers an' the bakers
Put life into the spaikers,
Wid diafram ixtinded, the Markiss poured a flood
Av flowery ilocution;
An' ivery risolution
We toasted, boys, wint far to prove the rod-hero was good.
The Clargy, too, wor presint,
Quite jovial an' pleasant,
Forgettin' all their differinces, remimbirin' they are min
Who're buildin' up a nation;
The lines of siparation
Wor wash'd in aitch libation, an Union conquer'd thin.
Begorra, as I gazed, boys,
Quite gratified an' plaised, boys,
I thin purshued, amazed, boys, a thrain of thought on love;
Some think that line a stale way
To heaven; but it's the Rail-way
To link the cities of the earth wid cities up above.
Inn Bee.—A grate many people is wondherin' why I didn't wair me Coort shuit at the Dimonsthration, but I forgot to take it out o' me uncle's on the Kay.