page 53

The Tortures of King (In Embryo).

About two thousand attended the levee.

With a rest of a few minutes, during which he tenderly felt his squeezed fingers and swung his arm, as though to relieve the muscles, the Duke went steadily through the tedious process of hand-shaking.

O! once upon a time
It was the way of kings,
Outside the pantomime,
To do all sorts of things
To keep their subjects loyal
And well within the law;
They'd flay them, or they'd boil,
They'd rack them, or they'd saw
A little nose off here,
A little ear off there,
Or p'r'aps they'd stop their beer,
Or throw them to a bear,
Or get them torn in twain,
Or rid them of their teeth,
And, just to ease their pain,
Would lay them underneath
Their chariot wheels, and crack
Their bones and crush their flesh,
Or lacerate their back,
Or squeeze them through a mesh,
Or poke out both their eyes,
Or banquet them to death,
Or poison their meat pies—
At least, so hist'ry saith.

* * *

And merry England then
Just took the cake for fun—
It took the cake, and then
It fairly took the bun;
To-day Jack took his gruel,
Another day old Gill
Provided kings with fuel
And brought grist to the mill;
For kings were not content,
In days that have gone by,
To make you penitent
By gouging out an eye;
They stole your land as well,
And mopped up all your spoil,
And played up general h—-,
To be considered "Royal."

* * *

But those bad days are past;
Democracy's on top.
At last! At last! At last!
We've got it on the top!
We cage them up, and make
Them bow, and scrape, and cringe,
And eat that we do bake,
And their Royal selves unhinge.
We torture them with noise,
And keep them out of bed,
And load them up with toys,
And nearly kill them dead

By pressing them to read
The rot we write about
Their dignity and breed And, tendency to gout,
And, last of all, we grip
Their flippers, and we wring—!
Until, for "Idylls" read
"The Tortures of a King."

After the departure of the "Ophir" from New Zealand waters it is the intention of Lord Ranfurly to spend several weeks at the most isolated lighthouse on the coast, in order that he may obtain restoration from the nervous apprehension which has afflicted him during the last few months. The kindly, good-natured Governor has been worked into a state bordering on prostration, and it is safe to say that if the Royal tour lasted much longer he would collapse. The Cuba-Manners street feud, the perusal of addresses, and the pertinacity of "oldest inhabitants" seemed to have weighed heavily on his soul.

Among the transparencies to be erected at the Departmental Buildings will be an enlarged Financial Statement. The lighting is to be particularly brilliant, so that all its details will be brought into bold relief.

There is every reason to believe that the Duke's gift to the Mayor of Wellington will be a "suitably engraved "pocket flask. Exactly what a suitable inscription is under such circumstances remains a subject for conjecture.