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The Pamphlet Collection of Sir Robert Stout: Volume 80a

Under the Focus-Tube

page 84

Under the Focus-Tube

vignette

The Post, in a pretty strong article about drunkards in Parliament, who are seeking re-election, incidentally notes that these gentlemen are all, or nearly all, candidates approved by the Government, We are not sure that the Government can help itself in the matter.

* * *

When the maiden for the third time brought her inebriated sweetheart to the altar, and the parson for the third time refused to tie the knot, sternly adding, «Come with him when he's sober.» she simply replied, «Please, Sir, when he's sober he won't come.»

* * *

The Seddon Ministry is in the same case. It has so degraded administration that in numerous districts no man of any standing or with any self-respect will consent to figure as the Government candidate.

* * *

Mr. Wilford's supporters charged Mr. Hislop with advocating low wages, and he has disproved the charge. But¶ what have they to say to this advertisement, which appeared in the Evening Post of 22nd June, 1895?

Wanted, a Lad able to drive. Low wages, Apply T. M. Wilford.

* * *

«Our George» is too modest altogether. He compares himself to Napoleon and Lord Gough—dear old Lord Gough. ¶Why not Marlborough and Ithuriel while about it?

* * *

The seddon Government pulled down the wages of the bridge and crossing keepers on the railways to 30s. per week (without house), and where a house is provided this benevolent Government charges 5s. per week for rent. The Opposition endeavored to get the wages altered to 36s. per week, but all the Ministers and their following voted for and carried the 30s, rate, See Hansard, October 9th, page 638.

* * *

The Middle Party's now a Liberal made,
'Tis merely change of title, not of trade.

* * *

Every public hall at Petone has been engaged for the evening of the 3rd (the night before the election) on behalf of the Government candidate. One is to be used: the others locked up. This precaution was taken some weeks before the campaign began.

* * *

«The Bribery and Corruption Act,» said Mr. Thomas Wilford at Mitcheltown the other night, «limits a candidate to spending £200. I know something about Acts, and there ain't one on the Statute Book but what I can drive a coach and six through.» This is very significant, and the audience whispered among themselves» ¶Who finds the cash?»

* * *

The ancient Cappadocians were Liberals until the taxpayers revolted and became a Greek Colony. The Democrats of a couple of centuries B.C. had much in common with their modern copyists, as the following couplet shows:—

A viper bit a Cappadocian's hide,
But 'twas the viper, not the Cappadocian, died.

* * *

New Zealand Times on Mr. Fisher, November 17th, 1893:—«Mr. Fisher is the Pariah of the House of Representatives. Pariah Fisher! That points the moral for all who accept the principles of men in power and oppose their administration.»

* * *

Our George has lost his temper or his head very early in the election. He has written to Sir Robert Stout conveying the pleasing intelligence that he intends going for libel as soon as the elections are over, and finishes up with «I am a man of my word.» We congratulate Mr. Fisher, and experience the utmost gratification in publishing his own statement that he is a man of his word, because some people have been ungenerous enough to say that he is politically unreliable.

* * *

It is said that the Shamocrat Hornsby visited a Wairarapa dairy and asked a female voter if she skimmed the milk at both ends.

* * *

The Only Wilford called on a severe-looking female at Mitcheltown and orated. When he asked for her vote: «Sir.» said she, «you would be no more use in Parliament than an apple-dumpling would be to stop a rat-hole», and Tommy tried the next house.

* * *

Some anxiety has been felt regarding the ex-Seddonite candidate and journalist Haggen, who was last seen on the 9th inst. There is no occasion to worry over him. A man who had such a clear conception of how to make paper money cannot sink. He will bob up serenely with a shin-plaster policy that will create wealth unbounded for all of us, if not in Wellington perhaps in Rarotonga.

* * *

Grammatical.
A pewter pot I really do not mind,
«Long beer»'s a noun I never yet declined.

* * *

Mr. Liberal Hogg is having a bad time with his constituents, and fails to gets votes of confidence where once his name was one to charm by. At Eketahuna a Mr. Neilseu asked him—

«¶ Are you in favor of the Government seizure of the Sinking funds?»

Mr. Hogg: «Yes! I am in favor of the Government seizing whatever it can.»

* * *

Liquor and Liquor's League lay mid in night,
Dick said, "Trot Wilson out!" and all was right.

Our George is not taking his gruel kindly; and no wonder, poor fellow. He had a right to expect the Mayoralty, seeing that he had the full strength of the Liberal vote, all the Seddonian influence, Brother Bung and his following, Liberty League (now defunct), and the Premier's thoughtful telegram about the Terrace jail, 'Twas a nasty jar, and an indication of worse to come.

* * *

Masterton Hogg failed to get a vote of confidence when he asked for it in Masterton, but a basket of flowers was presented to him by arrangement. A critic in the audience observed that a bar of soap and a pronouncing dictionary would have been more appropriate.

* * *

R. C. Bruce (Manawatu), whose chances looked shady a week or two since, writes that he reckons on hanging his hat up in the Whip's room next session.

* * *

Dr. Newman's supporters have rallied up in a very satisfactory way during the week. He is in the pink of condition, and hardly expects to be asked to gallop for the Otaki Stakes.

vignette

How Canvassing is Done.
«Oh! stay,» a Seddon dumb-dog said.
«And on my buzzom rest thy head!»
The Social female winked her eye,
And answered with a Lib'ral sigh,

«Skedaddle.»

page break
Strange Bedfellows.

Strange Bedfellows.

The Seddonian Trio for Wellington City.