A Curtain Lecture.

My wife and I had just gone to bed,
When a curtain lectur to me she read:
If I was a man," sez my wife to me,
I think I should be a man," sez she.
why, wot is the matter, Jane ?" sez I;
Matter enough," was her reply.
I wouldn't go preachin' temperance
[unclear: La'] votin' for license, both ter wunce !
I wouldn't stan' up in church an' pray
[unclear: For] the curse of drink to be took away;
Fer the Lord in marcy to look an' bless
The needy widder an fatherless;
An' then march up to the polls nex' day
An' vote just eggsackly the other way
I think I should hev at my command
At least jest a leetle grain of sand;
An' whenever a pollytishun showed
His rum-blossom nose 'round my abode,
An' commenced his blarney to get my vote,
A-singin the song he'd learnt by rote,
I'd spunk up to him an' tell him wot
I thought of him; an' ez like ez not
I'd jest perlitely show him the door,
An' invite him to never call no more !
I think I'd know enough," sez Jane.
"When a rum-seller works with might an' main
To gain a point in the town elexshun,
To see that it wasn't jest my complexshun !
An' what he wanted so awful bad
Was the very tiling he ortn't to have;
An' I'd work ag'in it, tooth an nail,
My motto, ' No sech word as fail !'
An' wouldn't care one cent in cash
Ef I the publicrat party went to smash !
I'd hev my conshens clear an' sound,
An' know I was treadin' on solid ground,
Ef I was a man," sez Jane once more;
But I had already begun to snore.
I wasn't asleep' but then I meant
She'd think I was; for her argyment,
I own, I couldn't quite answer it,
For it struck right home to me every bit
But Jane, she groaned when I didn't cheep.
And then turned over and went to sleep.

—Union, Signed