Salient Notes

A lonely figure sat hunched like a vulture over the light table. Glancing up through the fringe of its Cleopatra haircut, it revealed itself to be none other than Helen McNaught. She screamed. "Dearest Helen, what ails thee?" asked that paragon of gentlemanly virtues, Fergus Barrowman. "I can't think of a heading for this bloody article," was the devastating reply. Thus began the great Salient alliterative heading competition.

Ruth Laugesen set the ball rolling with "Crippled Children Cheer for Charlie" but that was vetoed by Stephen A'Court who thought it was too much like the Women's Weekly. "Regal Ruler Reeks" was Lorna Massof's contribution, and this was filed away for future reference. "Poncy Prince Prances Past Porirua Protest" came from the razor sharp wit of Andrew Beach esquire. This was really getting into the big time. "This is really getting into the big time, folks," chimed in Mark Harris, demonstrating his knack for stating the obvious.

"From the people who brought you Harold Hedd, It's the Hedd of State." This gem was contributed by Jessica Wilson, but was vetoed as being too close to the mark. However, it was followed fast by "Hedd Returns", "Hedd 2", "Son of Hedd", and "Hedd On Kirrin Island" from the irrelevant purple lips of Tracey Cooper D.O. (and bar). Back to the article though, and Mark Thorburn, following in the footsteps of Truth, was getting into "33 Year-Old Marries Virgin Teenager — Royal Scandal Revealed: Piccies Inside" and so forth. At this point Paulette Keating and Michele A'Court walked out. Ardent royalists both, they would have been glad to have been in Lady Di's shoes, and didn't take kindly to the lewd remarks being thrown back and forth between Mark Wilson and Paul Wiggins. "Ah, for the good old days," sighed Gyles Beckford. "Peter Beach always had a photo of the Queen over the door — right up there it was, next to Mao Zedong," Jonathan Taylor shook his hedd. "You're right mate, it's a bloody shame," and he disappeared into the dark room to produce a 10 x 10 glossy of Charlie and his bride-to-be. It appeared that the royalists were really coming out of the woodwork, for both Jean McKay and Kathryn Irvine went out on strike causing the whole newspaper to grind to a halt, and Neil Whose last name we don't know refused to lettraset the heddline — which was: . . . look for yourself. It's on page 5.

Salient — Smutty Student Smear Sheet was edited by Anaemic Anarchist A'Court and published by Virtuous Vociferating VUWSA. It was printed by Wanganui Newspapers Ltd, Drews Ave, Wanganui.