[unclear: Trog] la Dite Apathy

[unclear: is] common in these times to chastise [unclear: be] for being apathetic. I am tired of [unclear: ing] this criticism and usually take no [unclear: that] of it nor bother myself to refute it should I sacrifice my own tranquility [unclear: uafe] the gnawing discontent of those seek to provoke me into their [unclear: unhaptate?] Yet, I see such misery and con[unclear: tain] their faces that I will take it upon [unclear: rlf] to suffer a few thoughts to [unclear: demone] how apathy might bring us all into [unclear: opier] state.

[unclear: it] trust my apathetic brothers and [unclear: sister] have had the sense not to read this [unclear: aranged] and I urge you readers who have [unclear: similinations] to abandon it now. For [unclear: c] of you who insist on inflicting such [unclear: is] on yourselves by continuing reading [unclear: pe] to persuade you of your grave folly.)

This rotten world is beset by [unclear: insurmouni] problems. There is crime in our streets, [unclear: rery] in our Parliament, debauchery in [unclear: supermarkets] and we waste under the [unclear: shares] of a mushroom cloud. With each [unclear: problem] come multitudinous prophets and [unclear: polins], each proclaiming the virtues of his panacea and making vehement demands [unclear: he] most paltry concerns. Compare these [unclear: litous] schemers with those branded by [unclear: social] as slothful idlers - the apathetic. Are [unclear: pathetic] ever the cause of the strife that [unclear: les] this earth? Long suffering souls, the [unclear: ts] of a constant torrent of invective; they remain aloof from ephemeral [unclear: ines] but this should they not be lauded [unclear: or] than condemned?

[unclear: oes] not futility thwart us at every turn? [unclear: rades], lay down your arms, from your [unclear: is] there is only one escape; ignore them by lapsing into complete apathy might worlds evils decay - submerged in a slough difference.

[unclear: istory] hath provided us with many precedents in defence of apathy. In [unclear: lawn] of time Mr Trog la Dite saw dino-[unclear: i] somersaulting down a hill and nearly [unclear: vered] the wheel but thought better of [unclear: cause] he had no interest in travelling, [unclear: ng] onward into the time of our Lord, [unclear: isherman] Samuel Eliiah declined an invitation to the Last Supper and therby prevented his name being calumanated in the chronicles of mankind. Witness Vladimer Mackliolavich who spent the whole of 1917 asleep in a cupboard in the Kremlin and consequently was never bothered by his relatives again.

As history provides many fine examples in support of apathy, so too does nature. Moreover, nature is esteemed a most worthy teacher and to this end I have occasionally visited the zoo to watch the animals which man has most humanely delivered from their unnatural state. I love to watch the lions and the tigers indifferently sprawled in a inert heap for hour upon hour. Although one may cast projectiles at them or gesticulate in most uncommon manner they take little notice, they exude supreme apathy and could teach us much. In fact at home I practice casting myself down on the carpet after their manner while making expressionless faces at myself in the mirror.

Apathy is a healthy state reflecting true harmony and communion with nature. Furthermore, who can say that they have never fed on the ambrosial delights that apathy is mother of; who has not savoured that delectable langour that prompts sleep, who has not thumbed their noses at toil, and reveled in days of indolence, who does not fond a commodious armchair or sofa a far more agreeable campanion than many an active acquaintance, and who has not relished that exquisite ennui precipitated by hearing a politician speak or even reading Salient, (watch it - ed!)

Total apathy is not a state that is easily worked towards and I mean to give you some instruction on how best to lapse into this state. Ideally, one should lay in bed the whole day reclining in a supine position, dexterously evoiding any superfluous movement. In this manner the senses are soon sufficiently anasthetized leaving the student free to drift forever in oblivion. If the reader is having difficulty achieving this state I recommend a good solid eight hours television viewing which never fails to render one totally insensible. Indeed television is an apathetic man's least tiresome friend and used consistently may plunge one into that elusive state of ecstatic torpor which the true disciple so listlessly seeks.

Apathy once taken root in the national unconscious will soon grow and blossom to bear the fruit of serene tranquility. The fruit once eaten will nurture a burgeoning lethargy that will envelop even those warmongers, stirrers, and other creatures with such detestable energy. Then shall we subside into sublime indifference and then come what may who will care.

Richard Riddiford and Lewis Holden