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Salient. Official Newspaper of the Victoria University Students' Association. Vol 41 No. 7. April 10 1978

Wombats are Best

Wombats are Best

Dear Sir,

I wish to protest in the strongest possible terms over the fawning and sycophantic letters appearing in your newspaper which adulate and acclaim aardvarks. Readers may not be aware that the aardvark is a native beast of South Africa. It is a most ugly creature with a long vacuum cleaner snout and a long thick tail. I suggest that its unprepossessing appearance and domicile in a country that practises unacceptable racial policies make it eminently unsuited to the kudos it has received in your columns.

I wonder whether your readers have ever considered the advantages of a wombat, (genus phas-colomys),? The wombat has an endearing stubby nose and a sensible rudimentary tail. It practices no particular racial policy and, unlike the aardvark, is a vegetarian. Although presently domiciled in South Australia, my organisation is trying to import the breed into New Zealand. To this end I shall be seeing Mr Ray La Varis M.P. on May 30th in the hope of arranging import licences on a commission basis, (to be paid in platypuses.)

If this fails, I will attempt to obtain visas for the wombats so that they may enter the country for a short visit. During this time marriages may be arranged for them so that they can stay in the country permanently. This scheme recently proved successful for an aardvark, Mr Francis Bart ho. Should any reader be interested in marrying a wombat, they should write to me, enclosing details of any blood relationship to the Prime Minister or a member of Cabinet.

Yours faithfully,

Col. Charles Cholmon- deley, Wadestown for Wombats Socy.

NEW YORK, Feb 19. — A doctor who took his own We after killing his mother and sister to save them from suffering was mistaken in his belief that his mother had cancer and his sister was ill, a medical examiner said today.