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Salient. Official Newspaper of Victoria University of Wellington Students Association. Vol 40 No. 11. May 23 1977

A new breed of apathetes

A new breed of apathetes.

Dear Sir/Madame/David,

This great masterpiece would have remained lost to the world had it not been for the valiant efforts of P.O. Glubscrotum, editor of the St Cleves Literary and Garden Review where the M.S. was found buried. The author now resides at Lake Alice where he protests his sanity ("I'm not Insane! I can prove it! Look I've slashed my wrist.") and moans quietly in Welsh.

To Whom It May, Or May Not Concern. It was brought to my attention some time ago (hours? minutes? months? days? irrelevant really) that there existed (or did not exist) a Thorndon Apathy League. It occurred to someone (it could even be me) that this Is a direct breach of the 1st Apathy Act, scene II. N.B. Thou shalt not be apathetic unless by
(1)Failing to Join Apathy division of Lapp Goch League and
(2)Not failing to Join any other organisation claiming to be apathetes.

As non-members of the T.A.L. obviously fail the second requirement they cannot be considered true apathetes. For those louse-infested dung worshippers who doubt my word this is DOGMA (Paper Bull) authorized from the highest authority (Pge 879 J.E. Giscins Dictum on Ornothological Ontology; Pub 1921. Pge 71989 Leopards Boys Book of Adventure Vol III or lurking somewhere in Janes Book of Ships.)

TAL non-participants can redeem their sins honorably in one way; that is battle, yes! We (us L. G. Apathy League) take the (probably) unprecedented step of challenging (or not challenging) the TAL to indifference (or anything else) at 60 yards (or any other distance) at Parliament (or anywhere else) April 3rd 3a.m. (or any other time.) If any person turns up they (and their side) will immediately be disqualified for failing to default.

As a point of disinterest Lapp Goch Apathetes have recently defeated Australian apathetes (no mean feat) in the great tea battle of mid yawn by unintensive contemplation of the naval.

By now some gross nitpicking pile of aadvarks dung has 'wittily' commented that no true apathete would bother to write to Salient and while this can obviously apply to all other self-proclaimed apathetes it cannot apply to the writer of this letter (possibly me but you never can tell) for 4 reasons.

1)I have to write a million word essay on the mating habits of Icelandic flatfish for ray Neuro-Theology Tutor the late Prof A.B. Gltschnge D.D. (Doctor of Doctorates) and this a good way of passing time.
2.)No one reads this socialist guff anywhere
3)I am certified insane (I think)
4)Who cares?

Yours Insincerely

His rustic Highness

Sir Timothy Belacqua-Thwarke

(MR) H.C.E. Field Marshall 1st Irish Kings General 2nd Welsh Apathetes Major 3rd Gaul Stones Captain Last Great War Right and Legal Sovereign of a Cottage in Ireland (God Knows Where) Whom May God Preserve (If He Wishes.)

P.S. If you wish to not join LGL Apathy division don't call us we'll call you.