Letter from a thinking democrat.

Having read your latest issue I decided to write you this letter. Being a simple-minded fuckwitted wanker from a very small hick town just north of the main sewer in that area and being of unsound mind and of dubious sexual status, I do solemnly swear to Almighty Dog that this here Oriental excuse for plastic toilet rolls (otherwise known as Salient) is the most biased, prejudiced bigoted, socialist, communist fucking leftist fucking crappy shithouse newspaper that I have ever, ever had to drop fucking turds on in my whole life! And I'm nearly two.

It was probably compiled by a rabble of bearded, brainless, braless Hart-supporting, Mao-slogan-shouting, plastic Marxist overstayers, who should be ejected from this fair democratic land. Along with Tom Skinner, Silly Billy Rowling, lizard Tizard, Bill "no it's the Government's fault" Anderson, Fuck wit Finlay, Doon Douglas and the rest of the National Drivers Union, Boilermakers, Watersiders, Cooks and Stewards and any other poms that are left!

Why the fuck our beloved Rob has not already done so before is above me, but he must do so soon. If something is not done soon I and all my mates (Himille, Goering, Barman and Air Commodore Gill), will take matters into our own hands and personally take up the sabotage contract open on that vast propaganda machine, Wanganui Newspapers Ltd, and its main headquarters, the Salient office.

So beware Punks—me and my band of four are out for your shit upon skins.

Get 'Right' or 'Get Out.'