Salient. Victoria University Student Newspaper. Volume 39, Number 24, September 27, 1976.
A Poem (none of this nasty ideological rubbish: it is the seventeenth major cause of [unclear: footrot] you know and whats more my mummy told me not to talk to strange men in green caps).
Silence. Nothing but beautiful liver-flavoured silence. Fuck I love it. I mean to be quite frank I really Get off on it. And nature I mean O Wow I mean can't you just see me there grooving along with nature man and all the tittle rabbits busy copulating to their hearts content and all the hedgehogs balling it up (NB my obstetrician told me they cause brain damage so watch it).
No wait a minute let me take another slurp of my buttercup wine: the hedgehog is trying to commit hari-kari and its John (my Daddy's a trendy lefty) Ryall who has finally realised that he's been deposed by that well known opportunist and nature lover David Murray (call me David Murray). Creeping naturalism has claimed Ben Smith who has started the long march to Eketahuna (The big smoke as we say in hip circles).
Ben is not exactly running but he is walking rather fast pursued by wraith like figure of Katy Corner and Bruce Robinson (of Bruce Robinson fame) who got typed on this line because I couldn't bloody-well think of where else to put him. However the two L's are more fortunate because I specially designed this line for them. At this stage I show my objectivity by not referring to the debate over a certain matter I'm not going to talk about, The air is rather thick with flying custard at the moment and I am being hard pressed but that doesn't worry me for that master of objectivity Mr John Bowden takes a long draw on his lighted copy of "a Scotchman guide to geranium collecting' and passes it to Neil Gray who is on the point of speaking to the motion on the flaw.
Confused? What does it all mean you say Well may you ask. And Tony ward does. In fact he asks rather well I thought but then I'm biased cos I'm Just a frustrated hedgehog really, trying to get into his pants. He's still trying to be that big word I can't be bothered spelling; fact he's doing it so well that he also answers to the names of Pat Starkey. Steve Underwood and Mike Stevens. Mind you those names have got a lot to answer for.......
Rose Desmond is not going to have any nasty things said about her this week and neither are Lionel Klee. Pal O'Dea nor James Robb who have come out of the psses in to the Salient notes proper.
At this point the style of the notes has changed because Roy the window cleaner (as distinct from Roy the carpark attendant or Roy the rock freak) has knocked the hedgehog over the head with Patrick Mulrennan's three ton ice pick. "Ooooh!" screams Kevin Swann. "I've never seen that done before". "You've got a lot to learn." says Warwyck Dewe, nervously shuffling "backwards and forwards to one side of Jules Maher. who has emerged from the confines of his hedgehog farm to do some Salient proofreading (he seems to drift in at the same time each week.....strange man!)
But back to the hedgehogs....."but what about good old fashioned sex," scream out Penny, Patsy and Angela, as Gyles Beckford tells a nasty little Monty Python joke about three Salient reviewers and a pseudo American-camel smoker (no names mentioned at this stage although I'm sure Gerard Couper, Richard Mays and Katy Corner are blushing). It seems that the Salient reviewers were using their sexual powers for careerist purposes, the whole racket being run and financed by Ben Smith Enterprises of Hamilton, New Plymouth and Moir St.
Before I finish these Salient Notes I'd just like to say a big Hi to all the hedgehop in the Sociology Department, especially that special little hedgehog who lost his prickles when David Hyams hit him over the head with a student questionnaire.
p.s. This isn't very obscure is it?
p.p.s The Salient subscriptions have been cut by half for anyone wanting to get their names in the last issue!
Salient is edited by John Ryall, published by Victoria University of Wellington Students' Association, and printed by Wanganui Newspapers, Drews Lane, Wanganui.