Salient Staff Budget

Karl Marx is to be devalued by 93% from 5.45pm on Friday, and the expected result to the office economy is John Ryall. Rachel Scott imports from China are deemed to be excessively inflationary and to be cut forthwith. Funds for regional development are to be limited to certain parts of Gyles Beckford, and cut entirely to Peter Thrush. Much concern has been raised over structural blockages in the economy and Mac (of Rangatira fame), is to be removed during the next quarter, and a gradual replacement with Martin Doyle, Gerard Couper and Louis Althusser.

Efforts presently being made by Pat Bartle and other interests to seek equality for half the population, are considered superfluous in this present state of recession and are to be legislated against to ensure indefinite postponement. Bruce Robinson will have a levy of Nicos Poulantzas and Emmanuel Kant, as this will achieve considerable cut back in this sector. Although it has been encouraging to see Lindy Cassidy move to a level of David Murray, some action will possibly have to be taken against rising Leonie Morris.

Tony Ward, economics reporter, notes several reactions by those affected by the budget. "Kevin Swann has been seen painting irridescent red nuclear protest signs, Lionel Klee has notably taken many less photos this week, and Ben Smith was last seen on the Kelburn Viaduct. Lynn Peck was seen to tear herself away from a tight workload to spend many hours labouring over a hot light table. Anne Dwyer is rumoured to have had delivered three truck loads of wholesale cigarettes, and swears that the nicotine will get her before the cost increases do."

Ralph Miliband, the empiricist, takes a different view of the general reaction to the budget, citing John McBride and Brian Taylor. He exemplified this with Mike Stevens rather Victorian approach, last seen trying to box himself in.