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The Retiring Prime Morningstar & Briefs

s. davis

I undergo grate prssure to be presumptious hear today to undress your meeting. May I be aloud to say, left from the offset, that I believe whole heatedly in your contretemps to salvage the position, despite the fact that you oppose my Garblement in all quarters. May you hang for it.

Your sickciety obnoxiously has a wile of its own. This was remonstrable recently, during the stop-cock by strikyatric nurses which ground to a halt only after you had intertwined on behole of the Pissay. I depreciate your magnificense goundless, and my Clarinet has importuned me to congrabulate you fool hardedly. This I willingly do.

The Godallment has decried also that I squaeak a few verbs to you on the fifth coming jumble eviction, due to be held chortly. Might I remind you on this score that I am not retiring, although I may be retarded as a slow starter. Let me rewind you also that Norm Quirk was never in the race, and that as an apopletition he has yet to attain any magnitude, He makes no epeplicies for this, not beseeching that he is the hippotamy of the Labourious to which he belongs.

Do he know what the common margate is all abort? Do he have an able negatiator like the Jack a mush all to repeal onion disputes and plug leaks in the Master of Finesse's debacles on televiscious? Can Fatte Gorme control his backsiders the way I handful my juvenile burkes?

You are all underware that my Godawfullment has crossed more empty seas than any other Garblement in our histrionics. We have dallied with the tide, and seen the forest through the underpants at every twistion of the road, and have pushed on regardless of intorquity. Can you afford not to twistion Norm Burke's intorquity?

(With apologies to A.R.D. Fairburn)

A mate did a quick gallup poll round the cafe the other day on the question; 'Have you said Yes to the dreaded Mary juanna stuff yet.' Got the surprising result that 98% had sniffed the killer weed. It's amazing what Fritz's food will do to some people.

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Talking about the catering, seems that the Union is having a bit of trouble replacing old Fritz. Seems they only managed to get about 5 applications. Finally sorted out one candidate, who later turned out to be unsatisfactory, they then had to go back to one of the other groups who were pushing for a nine to five job with lots of profit. However things are meant to be going a bit better now, so those who know claim. Even so more people [unclear: cou] be turning to harder drugs next year, [unclear: whit] won't make the Police Force too happy.

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The local fuzz haven't been too happy about Salient this year or so a mate in the Department claims; reckons that they are still scouting round on that poem A Day for a Lay. Not only that, hut soon after we published an ad. for the Diary of a Policewoman we got phone calls from the local head of CIB, Colin Wilson. Came on very strong, so the rumour goes, saying what good jokers we were and how we wouldn't publish stuff like that When he realised the reception he was getting wasn't loo sympathetic he started off on a harder line, talking about receiving stolen property. Anyway some mates took out a bit of time to see if they could find any joker with Rosemary Sutton's diary but they couldn't find it anywhere. So if any of you students happen to see it round we wouldn't mind having a look at it. After the reaction it created it sounds as though it might be worth reprinting.

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Another thing that is floating round that we would mind publishing are some photos of Mrs P in her night attire. Apparently quite regularly recently the Muldoon household has been awaken at 2 and 3 in the morning by mad thumping on the door. Mrs has answered to be greeted by the word 'cheese', followed by a blinding flash. Naturally Salient was to blame, or so the fuzz thought, and so they directed young Neville Trendle (who is also a law student here) to give us a ring and ask us to lay off. If anyone has a roll of film they would like developed on the quiet....

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Incidentally individual student's who run in to the problems with the law or any of the thousand and one things that the legal (sic) profession have dreamed up to make money out of, will be pleased to hear that the Law Society has decided to set up a legal referral service on campus. Law students will be in attendance in the Board Room every Mon, Wed and Frid, 1-2 and will sort out your legal problems or refer you to one of the 70 odd people down town who has offered to help. One imagines that they would like quite a bit of work to begin with, to show that the service is really necessary, so go out and do a couple of jobs for the legal eagles.

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Salient always gets its facts wrong, that's what makes us so readable. Two issues ago we published a list of faculty advisers for overseas students. Among them was Roger Clark for the Law Faculty. Now when that issue came out Roger was Somewhere over the International Date Line on his way overseas for a year. The real Law Fac. Advisor is Neil Cameron, if he's still in the country.

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Now that exam time's coming round, the Staudent Welfare Service has asked that people be told that the University can provide special examination facilities for those of you who were trying for aegrotats and didn't quite make it. If in trying to break your arm you missed and got your leg, or got pregnant and the baby's not obliging by being late, or if you have any other physical disability, contact the Welfare Services or the Clark of Examinations in Robert Stout and they will arrange special facilities. If you think you've hit the jackpot and can make a good aegrotat or would like to be sure, contact the above or the Liason Officers. In any case read the aegrotat regulations in the Calender pp 88-90. Have a happy exam.