Revere your lecturers

Many of them, you will quickly find, are lazy, condescending and rather stupid. Few of them know how to teach. Practically none of them will concern themselves in lectures with such esoteric questions as the contribution students can make to the subject concerned or its relevance to life in 1970, Despite these few shortcomings, your lecturers are gurus whose words you will be expected to inscribe in notebooks throughout the year and regurgitate in examinations. Above all do not think of the academic staff as jumped-up schoolteachers - this is the ultimate heresy.

Follow these rules and, like each generation of first year students before you, you will be quickly integrated into university life. What more could you want?